Six Sea Shells, Water Fights & ‘Hopeless Devotion’ (20-26 October)

Monday 20/10/86

I saw him (properly) once. And he smiled (I don’t know if it was to me but) he was looking at me at the same time. And keith was friendly enough – more so than Mark – but that’s just natural. I spent 3rd, little lunch, 4th, 5th & big lunch in the art room. My picture’s complete but I hate it. It’s boring. It needs something different. I hate it & I left my theory booklet in the art room so I haven’t done the theory (rang Monique to get the Questions) – God he’s gorgeous when he smiles!! (MW) A Life in WordsAlso started weight watchers today – was surprised how un-hungry I was!! Only got  abit near dinner time. Otherwise amazing!! Waking early to do sea shells [the art assignment I was struggling with. We were expected to create a piece with the 'uniform' title Six Sea Shells]. Do what? God only knows!! Is 9:55

Tuesday 21/20/86

Got a lift to school again – got my theory part finished just in time. Woke early-ish..did the picture; added tracing paper & cellophane. Am pleased with the end product. My theory I rushed during double bio, art & little lunch. Saw little of Mark, but think he was looking at me. Sharon reckons so, too – as well as Steven. (?? hope!) [← am not certain that that was the word I meant - I couldn't decipher my handwriting] Big lunch – the first free one (really) since I’ve been back at school. In the Daily Sun in the Library, (Taurus) mark’s starsign read; “You will have a change of heart for someone or something.” Someone!! Me?? Hope! Yummy gorgeous! Stevie’s cute too ["Stevie"??!]. Is 9:10 – coulda bin in bed ages ago fooling round. Travers rang me 2nite didn’t know what to say. Six sea shells finished – now have english oral & assignment + chem + maths + STUDY for exams

Wednesday 22/10/86

Yes! Yes! Yes! I think he dropped Nicole tonight. He was looking at me. Also talked today a bit – great!!! Then tonight we talked even more. I think I can tell!! Did no HW. Sharon’s staying over – late notice. Decided at the dance – so she didn’t have to go home early. Hot it was. A Life in WordsRemind me to have a shower in the morning so I don’t stink. [Ooookaaay] Didn’t have much HW anyway. Finally got my bio mark back 35/40 Wo!! Still lotsa work to do. We talked a lot! I think I’ve realised the problem. I couldn’t hack it if Mark didn’t like me ever. I’m hopelessly devoted I think. [Yeah, that sure is a problem. The best news is that feeling changed!] Rode today. Rode home on own to make pants for the dance & I love ‘em! Is [here I forgot to actually note the time]

Thursday 23/10/86

Yes! I did talk to him today! End of big lunch, before biology in 6th period And yes, I think he really does like me. Had fun at lunchtime today.. Angie, Fiona, Justine, Sharon, Donna, Sandie, Monique all ate mangoes from the big tree in the walkway down the centre of the school (I hate them) [not any more, they're one of my favs now] & back at our area, Sharon & Kathyanne had a water fight. Got Asti. Were all sopping wet. All the guys & us girls were watching. They were (the guys) going to get me so Travers said. They got Fi when the bell went. Then Mark told me to come over “Fiona wanted to talk to me.” She said she didn’t – but I saw Steven with water so I ran. Yes! I was meant to be that target too, but Fi got it again. She was satched [a slang abbreviation for 'saturated']A Life in WordsDuring 7th p. started raining. Poured till about 6:00. Great rain!! Shoulda had an early night. Is 9:40. Got only 5 or so hours sleep last night. Sharon rode home on my bike at 5:50. Mum dropped me to school yet again.

Friday 24/10/86

Today we went downtown during period 4, 5, big lunch & 6th (& ½ of 7th) to clean off windows. Before that nothing happened except that I stuffed up my oral [english speaking assignment] totally. And I’m not going to repeat it [coz I detest "speaking in public"]. Walked downtown – mark, nev, Steven & keith right behind us. They, (mark, nev & steven) swam at Granada [a hotel] pool. I talked to him & steven. They disappeared then reappeared later. Talking to us, then steven started a fight – Mark & Steven against me with dirty (green) water. So? Who cares? [←not sure what that means] Then, walking back to school, Mark had a jet-spray gun. [Perhaps that's what they went to get when they 'disappeared' earlier?] Chased me now & then Monique just walked. Stayed in art room for remaining school time – went for a walk – came back & mark & Steven had hidden our bags. Found them. Got changed and that was it. SO HOT. Glad I talk to Mark every day. [It had been a LONG time coming…the courage, the 'opportunity'...] Does he really like me a lot? Beka’s staying over – came over primarily to see me – talking so much asked her to stay over.

Saturday 25/10/86

Beka left early. I spent the whole day writing the letter to Delanie, all about Mark. Get this → 32 pages long! Cherie & Petra (& Amanda) came over in the arvy. I love talking to Petra. I like Cherie a lot too. Got periods today. Anyhow, after I finally finished the letter (in a rush – I was so sick of writing it) I talked/thought about it. Writing that “history” and hearing it all again shed a different light on my feelings towards mark.A Life in Words I think, more like hope, that he really does like me more than other girls, in a different way. It’d be beautiful. I think I love him. He means almost everything to me at this point in time anyway. [Such a 'romantic'.] Is 10:00. Wanna sleep in. Did little HW tonight. Have an english assignment left to do yet.

Sunday 26/10/86

Not an interesting day. Dad came around 11:00 [to pick us up]. (Before that I did some HW) I watched TV there. Oh! Besides that, I actually went for a walk on the beach [he and Jenny lived at Holloways Beach] for about 1 hour with Jules, during which I ‘leaked’ & I didn’t know till I got back. It was rectified, however. God its hot! Anthony, when I first saw him said to me “Liam wants to root you.” I couldn’t stop laughing (I didn’t know what to say?) [I seem to be stuck for words often. I've always been one of those people who thinks of a comeback or witty remark long after the moment has passed.] I always thought Liam hated me! Remembered how the others talked about him .. how he’d also screw mima or polly or fi if he had the chance. well, well…!!! [He's a teenaged boy - isn't that what most of them want to do?] Is only 8:00. Am going to bed. Did not even start my final english assignment, nor any study. Boring at dad’s I really really really [the third 'really' actually had a double underline under it. REALLY!] hope Mark likes me a real lot; and differently to all the others. That would be love. [Really?!]

Coincidences, Cover Songs & the Sleepover Toga Party (13-19 October)

Monday 13/10/86

Didn’t think Mark was coming – was surprised when I saw him (with Steven) walking to art. Went into town (Cominos arcade) period 3, little lunch, periods 4,5 and big lunch to paint windows. I did 2. Boring. I forgot to bring something to change into. Oh well – I had to wear a nightie to cover up!!! Ha Ha! Saw little of Mark. I don’t care. [Uh-huh] Angie’s party is a toga party..!!! Ragey! And its invitations too – only those invited can get in. Is 10:10 ..waiting for Clive James to come on. Am tired – but I want to watch it. Mr Grossetti didn’t crack about my english Just ‘showed a little concern.’ Hot today My work I am so behind in. I am not  motivated – can’t get interested in school (I guess cos I’m lost – don’t understand anything that I’m doing) It’s on now. Dunno what else to say so Ni, Nite!!!A Life in Words

Tuesday 14/10/86

Mark came late again today but what do I care? Had to do painting again today – lunchtime, p6 & 7. Went late cos Donna & I had to hand in our biology pracs. (still don’t know what I got for that test.) Also have a chem test on Thurs. MUST study. Angie’s party’ll be unreal! Tops! Trying out toga outfits this arvy […despite the massive amount of schoolwork you keep mentioning you're falling behind in…] Dunno what to wear. Am allowed to sleep over!! Hot today. Finished painting about 3:10 & rushed back to school (made it in about 10 mins! Ran a lot) Am tired. Got little sleep last night Did no HW again this arvy. [Yeah, you already mentioned you played toga-dress-ups instead] Slack, huh? I must try – esp. maths & chem – my biggest problems – maths even more so. Oh well. >SIGH< Is about 9:15. Early night, see if I can get a full night’s sleep. Wanna get a haircut before Angie’s party, too.

Wednesday 15/10/86

Is 9:50. Wanna get to sleep after a quick read over my chemistry text – gotta wake really early (eg: 5:30) to study. I should’ve (would’ve) done it this arvy but speech!! I was in the mood. [Ha! Always an excuse] I have maths + chem + bio + art + english HW. Chem + art + maths was necessary. A Life in WordsOh well. Will try at school tomorrow. My hopes are up that he likes me again. I’VE GOT TO DISBELIEVE. His fav. songs according to Fiona (“he told her”) are Venus (& coincidence(??)) and My Favourite Waste of Time (another coincidence (??)) [I'm not sure exactly why these are coincidences. Bananarama's 'Venus' was my favourite song to dance to, and I think Owen Paul's 'My FavouriteWaste of Time' held lyrical sentiment (click here if you don't know, or can't remember this song) - well, ya gotta admit, thinking about Mark did seem to take up a lot of my time? I think I was a bit more 'superstitious' then, than I am now. One coincidence for certain is that both of these songs were covers.] strange. Rode today (was hot) got an official invit. from angie today. Replied straight away. I can’t wait!! Must catch up in work. 6 sea shells due Mon. 3:15. CAN’T WAIT FOR ANGIE’S PARTY!!!! For some strange reason, I HOPE CAMERON’S GOING. He’s cutie; got his haircut – is really short. [Wtf? Where did this sudden interest come from?]

Thursday 16/10/86

My hopes are too high. I must think negative. Meanwhile I’m wondering if Cameron’s going. (if he was even invited) Hope he is – that’s someone to talk to. [Oh god girl, you are confused!] Can’t wait!!! Chemistry exam today – I think (I’m sure) I passed – that’s something to be thankful for. Actually did some HW – a little bio & art, too. But not much at all. Will have to work like buggary tomorrow arvy cos I won’t have any spare time on the weekend. Ha. My main concerns now are my work & (school work) & the party (my ‘love life’) [Most people would relate parties to 'social life' rather than 'love life'. But I guess when you have no love life, parties are one of the places to start creating one - potentially]. Should be ACE! Really cannot wait. But now, its 10:10; I must get to sleep. Tomorrow is a free dress day. What have I to wear? What will I? Who knows. Periods were due yesterday. Hope I don’t get them for Angie’s Party. I’ll die if I do. [Haha, typical teen saying. I'm actually impressed I don't say that more often.] Can not wait!! G’night!

A Life in Words

photocopied pic of Monique & I on the art excursion

Friday 17/10/86

Cannot wait!! (although Cameron isn’t going) Not long now! Today was boring, rather. Thought MW dropped Nicole yesterday – nope!! ELISSA WAKE UP. He doesn’t like you. Nothing will happen at this party. [continually self-lecturing] I felt a big dag today – wearing my pale (aqua) polo shirt & mum’s white shorts and my daggy school shoes. Everyone else had at least some bright colour on – and something ‘dressy’. During 4th, 5th, big lunch & 6th CAD went to the wharf to draw. Boring – I lost Sandie’s $2 to the sea; it flew over the jetty [back then $2 were still notes]. A Life in WordsGetting on well with Angie and Trish & Michelle. Why do I get the feeling Mark likes me? Is he really looking at me or is it a coincidence that he glances in my direction the same time I do? It’s just like 1st semester again; I don’t know if he does or not – but I must think he doesn’t otherwise I’ll be hurt [self-preservation thought pattern development. Or simply, pessimism.]. Is 10:25.

Saturday 18/10/86

Went out in ‘am’. to see nana (& get ribbon for my home-made roman sandals) Monique (after 3 calls) & Sandie came round 12:30 I waxed my legs & it took yonks. Mima’s not going. Fi came round 2:00 & sharon was very late. We wore our togas on the train. At Kuranda (this train trip wasn’t really fun like last time) Trish, Leanne, Moni, Sandie, Fi, me & Sharon got grog & drank it before we went in. Trisha spewed Fiona & (a little bit) Leanne was off her face. In there, it was a little boring. I didn’t see Mark for ages. I’m sure he was with Angie – some say yes, others no. (what??) [←this "what?" means "so…. which is it?"] Keith & I talked alot. In fact, he followed me round all night. we talked in depth about cosmic things- (being typical emotional Pisces) universe, UFO’s & Ghosts & unknown, death & love… he wouldn’t when I asked him, tell me some things Mark used to say about me & I really nagged. He also told me only 3 of the guys out of the supposed 15 – himself, Mark & believe it or not, Steven!!!! [Back in May, one of the guys in my biology class told me he knew of "about 15" guys that liked me. If you want the full story, check out this post]  [At this point, I omitted some potentially sensitive personal detail about another person.] Also that he thinks Mark does like me a lot, deep down. I said some things I shouldn’t have – some really silly private things. But I guess so did he. [continuing on to Sunday's page…]

Sunday 19/10/86

Finally when Mark reappeared (after a sleep) I tried to stay within roughly same area as him. It was dull, but soon we were all on the trampoline. [That trampoline again. Where I "fell in love" the first time, months earlier. Click here if you're interested in that 'episode'.] We had apple juice fights – Mark squirted me for no reason & after fight reckons. I started it. We fought all night (Keith was trying to crack onto me – arms all over the place – soon I got out ['out' of what? his reach?] but …there ended up; me, Mark, Steven, Fi, Sharon & Quallus. Mark was picking on me… & steven too, but it wasn’t too bad we took ages & ages & ages to get into sleeping positions – would always be disrupted again But the main thing was Mark & me- we were the centre of attention – physical fights- slapping, thumping kicking, pinching. SHIT it was bad- does he like me? Hurts me enough. [I can't believe this person was me. I mean, there's no way I'd tolerate that kind of treatment now, let alone remain attracted to the guy.] Anyway, about (God I dunno) approx 3:30, 4:00 Got settled but rain made us all go elsewhere – about 5:30-6:00. I & Sharon couldn’t really sleep again. When everyone finally woke, I didn’t talk to mark at all really. He joked a second time & being tired I kinda snubbed him. Then I think he got angry or wasn’t talking to me. Even all on the train at 12:00 (Sharon & I didn’t have tickets – sneaked on!! – was the tourist train) A Life in WordsFinally when we got off, he, Steve & Leanne hung out the windows. Mark said “ByeBye Lollipop Lady!” [I can't remember whether this has come up previously, so you may not understand this term. It certainly doesn't refer to ladies in fluorescent vests at school crossings (I don't think they even existed back then) rather, a story I'd told Mark about thinking of myself as a lollipop because I have such a long neck and (back then) a round face, Like a lollipop. So he coined the nickname. Perhaps it was actually born at this party? I can't recall.] I smiled … we waited till the train moved. I said sorry about his arm (dead from punching) he said “I’ll bet.” & I waved & he was smiling & so was I!! Back at home Moni, Sandie & Sharon left about 1½hrs later! I slept & showered. Is now 8:05 Gonna sleep I only got about ½hr sleep that night. Been a Bloody EXCELLENT weekend. Fi, Sandie & Moni I was upset a little with cos at the start – they got off their faces esp. Fi & were smoking etc. [It's pretty judgemental but it came from a place of care for my friends. Learning, over time, about Tolerance and even later, about Non Attachment has helped to curb my 'judgementalism']   Also SIX SEA SHELLS [art assignment]!! Trouble – not done!!

 

Window Painting, Bike Theft & the Death of Green Island (6-12 October)

Monday 6/10/86

Am so tired. Boring first day. Heard from Judy how mark was with numerous girls over the holidays. I hope someone he loves hurts him really badly one day – he’ll deserve it all. I’d laugh in his face. [Nice little vindictive streak evident there!] Anyway, Mr Grossetti did say something about my english; I didn’t get that double assignment done either – My report for english was terrible. In art, we found out Monique, Sandie, Donna & I were doing Singapore Charlie [a local retail store full of cheap imported Asian goods]. A Life in WordsWhen we walked uptown to see the manageress what she wanted had nothing to do with Fun in the Sun. . . she’s after cheap window advertising. Boring for us. And not worth it in pay, either under $10 each. Is 10:50 Riding 2morrow. So tired. Was hot today. Bore! Ate so much. I have a real appetite problem [I'd love to know from where my food obsessions stem…]

Tuesday 7/10/86

I liked today. Kind of. I get the feeling – it appears to me that Mark… well, he’s spending much less time with Nicole – only saying bye in the arvies And that’s it. And, well, he’s in my view a lot, too. No he’s just being a friend elissa. HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU ACCEPT IT. [Classic example of right-brain/left-brain 'conversation'? Or the Good & Bad Consciences, sitting on each shoulder?!]. Well, I spent 1st period biology downstairs studying cos Mr Short wanted to go over the test with the rest of the class & I found out (when Donna finally came to get me) that they’d done other work and Mr Short had forgotten me. Ha! Then I pigged out little lunch ['little lunch' equates to a morning tea recess for those who have never heard of the term before. I'm not sure if it was an 'era' thing, or an Aussie thing, but at school we had two breaks and they were known as Little Lunch and Big Lunch… probably carried over from primary school!] – bought 3 vegemite vita-wheats – gave 2 away, so I had 1 v.v.w. + chick. sandw. + coconut (what others didn’t eat) + some choccy from Sandy. Double maths boring – Cameron we found out, broke up with Carrie last Wednesday. Think he’s pretty upset. Was terrible. Had my bio test big lunch: easy. Rest of big lunch mucked around. Went to city library with mim & fi after school. Stayed for ages. After some food, we rode home (I was about ½hr late) Did no HW again. [Uh, what the hell did you do at the library then? Perhaps just browsed through the teen fiction?] SHIT bad habits. Is 8:45.

A life in Words

Vegemite Vitawheats: an Australian institution!

Wednesday 8/10/86

It’s getting harder & harder for me to believe that Mark doesn’t like me. Today we talked. In town, painting our windows (really boring & stupid) he walked past a lot and once asked Monique where Ms Marsland was. She didn’t know so asked me. [That could have been a deliberate move by my 'bestie'…] I said up at the Booking Office. D’you know where that is? (No) well, just past swagman’s cafe. And he didn’t smile once, but at school, I was waiting for Fi & mim to come out, I went and unlocked Fi’s bike simultaneously as he went to his bike (very close parked to ours) said, “Stealing bikes again?” I said (surprised) “Yep that’s me.” Then I asked him about his window & he asked me about ours!! WOW!! [Wow? Really? Amazeballs, he MUST like you. *rolls eyes*] Then he said goodbye to Nicole & him & Cameron left when Fi & mim were unlocking their bikes [I'm confused; I thought you just said you unlocked Fi's?], but we passed them at service stn, pumping up their tyres. And these gorgeous Trinity Bay guys rode past. Yum! Jealous of all other windows – rebecca G & everyone else did beautiful coloured windows & we were stuck with plain, cheap advertising & cranky shop assistants. real bitchy. Speech this arvy – alright. 10:10

Thursday 9/10/86

* [←this asterisk was actually a five-pointed star in my diary. Unforunately this was the most similar symbol I could find] I am having an extremely difficult time trying to convince myself that he doesn’t like me…extremely difficult. This morning nothing happened  cos everyone was doing Rockmans & we (Donna, Sandie, Monique & me) were doing Cairns Booking Office (& it was revolting. Right from when Donna, Sandie & Moni started it I thought yuk. And it just got worse. [I am such a perfectionist. And hyper-critical!] And also when we were walking to get lunch, we saw the Singapore Charlie ladies wiping off our sign!!! Sandie couldn’t stop laughing and the girl said “Yeah, very Funny isn’t it?” Ms Marsland also cracked at them; didn’t give back the $50. Good on her!! [Good on her, alright. Just desserts for exploitation. You get what you pay for, tight-arses!] Anyway, after lunch people kinda lost interest in their paintings. Mark was talking to me (he wanted to paint a mohawk on my girl & I wouldn’t let him) all arvy!! A Life in Words(well y’know) & then walking back to school he & Trish had a paint fight – a bottle of red-brown paint. He got Ange, Moni, Sandie (Trish) Asti & me last (in the school grounds) skint – cleaner caught him made him clean up. But my new green polo shirt was wrecked. got sopping wet trying to clean up. [Hullo, wet T-shirt entrant!] all over my face & hair too. – is 10:35.

Friday 10/10/86

He (& Keith) weren’t here today. I didn’t really miss him, but, of course, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He mustn’t like me [oh here we go again; another backflip?] – I’m sure he was shitty about the paint – he thought it was my fault cos I didn’t let him paint the hair on my girl [Are you serious? Trying to guess someone else's thoughts and feelings - making assumptions - is one of the most 'harmful' things you can do to YOURSELF. All that Worry for potentially nothing. Oh I wish I knew then what I know now.]  – but I’m glad I didn’t – gotta show him I won’t let him do everything. [LOL, yes, you sure showed him. You certainly are no 'push-over'! Pffffft.] Mr G. wasn’t here so I can hand my 5 english in tomorr monday. Next Fri is final due date. Means I have to do another assignment as well. SHIT. and my six seashells [art assignment] is due Fri and maths, chem & bio, I don’t know what I’m doing – where I’m at! Going to Green Island on Sunday with Sharon. Don’t think Fi wants to. Mima’s going & there’ll be all the others who are staying over saturday night. Ragey!!! I hope there’ll be heapsa spunks. Must forget the dick. Stupidly I told Sharon I still like him on the phone this arvy. What have I done? is 9:35

Saturday 11/10/86

I found chemistry too hard, so moved on to biology – I found that too hard, so, deciding to leave my maths til last, finished my 5th english assignment (Not too bad) Went to Drive In tonight – just me & mum & Geoff. Saw Croc Dundee yet again + some movie called Better off Dead – came late – but still was funny what I saw! A Life in WordsWish I coulda got more work done today. Going to Green tomorrow – won’t have any time for more HW. [Cos entertainment is way more important than an ever-increasing mountain of schoolwork] So much Is due this week. Mucked round with make-up (what’s new) and ate heaps of chocolate biscuits that mum bought. Julia went to work. Am tired; is 11:20. Is rather hot, too – wasn’t at Drive In was windy [some much needed punctuation missing here] on Green Island will go spunk hunting – forget Mark W. Why I bother. . . Got heapsa schoolwork to do. Night Night!!

Sunday 12/10/86

I must admit I thought (hoped) I might see Mark there but no! It was alright – I wouldn’t have missed anything had I not gone. In fact it would’ve been more beneficial to me to stay home – I have heaps of homework, still. [Uh-huh] But it was good. Met Sharon’s friend (the one, the only…) Karen N. She’s really nice Saw Linda, AnneMarie, Alison, Leanne, Judy, Clare, Kai & his friends Dim etc. Got burnt only on face, really ..not bad either. But am browner (I think) Is about 8:50. Want an early night. I keep Thinking I can’t wait for angela’s party – but why? Nothing will happen: that’s for sure. (?) Yes! For SURE. School. Omigod! My work … I’m in  trouble in every subject – hell! I’ve gotta pull myself together. SHIT. What’my gonna do? Work harder. Am too tired (& a bit exhausted) to think what to write. Green Island is revolting; it’s dead: Hate it FITZROY RULES!! [I actually believe Tourism has 'killed' Green Island - though admittedly it has been well over a decade since I have been there. It boasted the world's first public Underwater Observatory (opened in 1954) and I remember being truly amazed by the experience when I first visited it as a child in the mid 70's. But over successive years, there seemed to be less & less (marine flora & fauna) to view from its windows - and even for ever-increasing areas around it, the jetty and even the island, in general. It hasn't surprised me to discover that the observatory was shut down in 2012 - the reason/s of which I'm honestly not aware. My (albeit uneducated) line of thought is: as if tourist boat fuels were NOT going to make an impact on the ecosystem….]