Flat Tops, Failing & Friends on the Phone (17-23 November)

A Life in Words

Drago (Dolph Lundgren) sported a flat top ‘do in Rocky IV (1985)

Monday 17/11/86

Boring day. Mark I saw once (had a haircut – Cameron too; Flat top!! [ah, the old flat-top! Think ‘Ice-Man’ in Top GunLooks cute!!) Wasn’t at parade – just at the beginning of little lunch briefly. Talking to Cameron, Glynn, Chris & David lunch hour – everyone was gone – mima & Fiona & lots left after double chemistry. Monique & I did nothing. Studied chem a bit tonight and can understand most of what I’ve learnt (or read) Hope I can get the rest done tomorrow. Is only 9:00, but bags under my eyes make me go to bed. Talking to Chris & Cameron in maths – Cameron & Mark had a big fight Friday arvy. Chris did with Duane, too I think. said something about mark – Chris said “Have you talked to mark?” I said “what about?” He said “you know that night” I didn’t answer. [Perhaps not just because I may not have known what (which night) he was referring to, but also whether he was just…baiting?] Cameron said something can’t remember, but wasn’t positive. Got me wondering. Cameron’s always going on lately about how good a friend I am.. wonder If he was trying to say something [Haha, this young girl has not yet learnt that males don’t “drop hints”. Don’t read into everything, Liss.]

Tuesday 18/11/86

Fail. Written all over my brain. I could not do anything. It’ll be a miracle if I pass – a doggone miracle. Boring day. Not actually; studied this morning, but went to school around 12:00. Stayed talking to Monique. Then walked up to exam room with Heather, Linda & Justine (Cameron a little of the way) Is hot (had a big thunderstorm – lightning etc…) Raining lots – I got saturated! Caught bus home with Fi. Monique rang in the arvy. Talked about miscellaneous stuff. A Life in WordsIn shower, I got a phone call from a guy. Julia didn’t get name or anything. Cameron forgot to ring back – lucky I rang him. Talked abit about Moni – lots about miscellaneous – didn’t get any news ’bout mark ‘cept that he really likes Fiona a lot as a friend. “Jealousy?” Was Cameron trying to make me jealous? [Highly, highly unlikely!] Asked about what he’d said in maths – said I was hearing things. [The boys often said that. It simply means either “I don’t want to tell you” or more likely “I don’t remember”.] Thank God. (?) It’s 9:15. Gotta go.

Wednesday 19/11/86A Life in Words

Monique rang 4 times. For most of the time we talked about nothing in particular – sometimes not even talking. [This is another of the defining characteristics of our friendship, and it is said that this kind of sitting in silence is the stuff of true friendship: total comfort in each others’ presence. Monique was the first person with whom I’d ever experienced this ease, this depth of peace – besides my mother & sister of course. Mind you, I also hate being on the phone these days so this particular experience is unlikely to be replicated.] I’m ashamed to say I wasted the day. I did very little maths study and no art (practically) –  no english or anything. I ate one hell of a lot I think I’d better stick to the diet again – I’ve gone up to 62kgs again. So it’s been a waste of time. Waste of a day. I can’t believe how restless I get when studying. Wish Mark’d ring. Or even just Cameron. In a way I envy monique yet I think she envies me – that I can get on so well with him, so easily – like I envy Fiona and her friendship with Mark. I wonder if he envies Cameron? Wouldn’t that be nice? [No, it wouldn’t. Too much envy, too much Wanting!] Hottish day. Shoulda done some exercise – reading about it in a magazine – really good for all aspects of your life – fitness mentally, physically, socially… [Well isn’t this interesting? Perhaps a crack in the door opening to my future fitness career? Well thank you, trashy magazine!] Is about 9:20. English tomorrow SHIT!

Thursday 20/11/86

It’s 12:30. I’ve been doing maths. I just finished reading over bio notes and now I have to get started on my art – my fingers are rather ‘slow’ – I can’t write quickly – ah, yes I can… leaning on the table! Got another letter from Delanie; she writes back fast enough. Talking ’bout mark – she reckons we’re both flipped over each other, but are ‘playing games’ esp. Mark. [Haha, that’s so cute: a friend who knows nought but what I tell her (my one-sided story, full of hope & guesses) analyses & concludes in my favour. Ain’t friendship grand?!] I saw him briefly today before english exam (each! – Dunno if I passed – didn’t do too well.) Wasted this arvy, kind of, too. But I got a little worried about maths. After a phonecall to Fi, I was a little reassured and got ‘stuck into it’. There’s not much (well, there is really) that I can’t do – I just have to think – trouble is, you don’t get time in exams!! Hope I’m not too tired to do my maths & bio. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow’s over! Not really; still have my art to do. OH NO!

Friday 21/11/86

Boy, am I tired now! It’s 10:10. I failed maths; there were so many things I couldn’t do. Saw Mark a little. Lunchtime – all of us (YR11 group – who were there) sat in the library ‘studying’ – yacking! (talking) [I don’t recall our librarians being big on telling people to ‘Shhhh”!] He was in my room for bio. It was fairly simple – I’ll pass – probably only give me an HA [High Achievement] overall this sem. cos I couldn’t do a few Q’s. [Ah, there’s a hint of potential dissatisfaction with regard to my grades. I thought that concern had died with the advent of my social life; that all I cared about now was simply passing. No, the Perfectionist is not dead.] After, talking to people Mark & Cameron hangin’ round. Cameron talks to me a lot. Then they went. We (Monique, Sharon, mim, Fi & I) went to mime’s to watch video tape of Last night’s Return to Eden, which I’d watched anyway. Then, dropped home, got ready & went into town. A Life in WordsOn way in we passed bill & mum was sure Cameron was in the front seat. (GREAT!) Bought new album 1987 Let’s Party [one of my favs!] and had tea at Pizza Corner Played record at home; was always looking out the louvres, hoping to see Cameron walk up the street. [As. If.] Hope he is at his dad’s place!! Maybe Mark’ll go over tomorrow. [Always wishin’] Finish a reply letter to Delanie 2morrow

Saturday 22/11/86

A Life in Words

My (now aged) Lorikeet drawing

Did another piece for art – my lorikeet (well, something like that) is possibly my best work!! I spent the whole morning on it. I have 4 left to do. When Nana and (great) auntie Nancy & Uncle Raymond and Ruth came over, I ate. I shouldn’t have but I did. Raymond was looking at some of my work – I showed them all my ‘exhibit’, I think they might buy! [No, they were just ‘encouraging’] made lotsa phone calls about Sean’s party – Monique tried to get Cameron & the guys to go but was unsuccessful. Still went tho’. Monique & I were driven by mum to Sharon’s (monique got ready at my place) & Mrs Weeks took us there. It was … alright. Boring, yes. But not to the point of suicide. About 100 I think, turned up. I shouldn’t have drunk again. I got happy (was keeling now & then) I was eventually fine. [Hmmm, I don’t remember this one. Mind you, I suppose it’s silly to think you’ll remember every party you attend in your life… especially when you’re drinking at them…] But we scabbed a lift home with Justine at 2:00 (most people had gone or were going by then- ) Boring!! About 3:00 I got to sleep.

Sunday 23/11/86

Waste of a day. I started a piece of work. It progressed. But when I finished it tonight, Geoff pointed out something wrong. [This rings bells to me but I just can’t remember what that piece was] I tried to fix it but stuffed it up instead. So I scrunched it up & threw it away. I was a little upset, too. [You don’t say?] Monique left around 10:00 this morning (riding home) Boring day. I ate chocolate cake and chips. I think I’ll have to forget being really strict on my diet→ on the holidays it’s too hard. I’ll still try to balance what I do eat & “substitute” etc. [I’d love to know what I meant by that – “substitute” – back then. I’m quite certain there’d be a difference in meaning now.] Oh, I wish I could’ve gotten more art done. Don’t think I’ll get much finished. And, god, when am I going to get everything ‘framed’? How much will it cost?? OH NO! (Get dad to pay. He really should) [Of course, living with mum meant she forked out more in the act of rearing us. It’s almost unavoidable for the supporting parent, no matter how much the other may contribute via ‘maintenance payments’. This only intensifies my respect for her.] Can’t wait for the next weeks ahead (days) Befriend Mark, Elissa (your ambition for the week)

Radio Tunes, Self Talk & A Freaky Incident with My Best Friend (10-16 November)

Monday 10/11/86

I didn’t talk to him; ignored him as much as possible. What am I going to do? Everybody knows I like him – I have to get to be friends ..then – hope. NO! You don’t need him! You can have Phillip C. THAT’S YUMMY! And he likes you. He’s nuts about you!! He wouldn’t hurt you! Mark is missing out. He hasn’t realised yet that I’m the best thing that’s happened to him… I’m perfect for him ..but it’s his loss if he can’t realise it… I’ll be loved by others. And I’ll love them. He can suck! I’ll be his friend (Cameron’s my best tho’) [Well, if that wasn’t a rant and a half. Backflips, assumptions, predictions and precocious self-talk. Ah, the mental dialogue…] My work is getting ahead of me – I’m in trouble! (Art, especially.) Must try harder. Missed aerobics cos of work Did rather little, too! Listening to the radio – play all the good songs at night Yo! ho! ho! [←?? excited much?]  I had 2 pieces apple pie + lotsa chips today! UMAH!!! Is almost 9:00 Nite!!

Tuesday 11/11/86A Life in Words

It’s about 10:50. A special ‘Beatle’s ‘documentary’ just finished. Their ending (split) was so depressing But I love (most) the music. [So did my bestie, Monique. It’s another one of the things that I felt defined her… or defined her to me at least] Today I kept ignoring Mr. Up Himself. Also realised how much strife I’m in, concerning work: especially art. [Really? You’re only realising now? Are you sure? Coz I’ve heard this a number of times before…] (my studies are not progressing either) but mainly my art – have to know what I’m handing in for the exhibition by this Friday. [I came to realise that I only perform under pressure. This leaving-everything-to-the-last-minute only gets worse…] Oh well. Boring school is. It’s going too fast. Cameron was away today. No one (barely) I knew went to the BBQ (for year 11) this arvy. I didn’t! I think Mark did but who cares? I certainly don’t! I need someone to fall in love with – someone who’ll fall in love with me, too. Keep lookin’ Liss! You’ll get there!! God I’m tired!! Broke diet again – 2 extra pieces of bread + cuppa tea + extra pita bread UMAH

A Life in Words

My Bestie, Monique x

Wednesday 12/11/86

It’s about 9:30 (I got a letter from Delanie today and wrote a 15 page one back!!) I’ve decided I feel differently towards Cameron. Was thinking about it in chemistry – thinking about when I held his hand at the party [?! I don’t remember that!] – listening to his voice at the same time. YUM. Then in 4th period art, in the storeroom I was thinking whether I should tell Monique or not. When I came out, she said “Do you ever feel like telling your best friend something but don’t want to?” I said “yeah, I just was!” Outside, I knew she was thinking about guys. She came out with “I think I like Cameron!” I couldn’t believe the coincidence!! She told me she was also thinking about him in period 1!! Coincidences! Something more than that!! It was so freaky – same thing, same time, same thoughts!! UNBELIEVABLE!! [I love this: our ‘connection’ totally swamped any sense of competition with regard to Cameron. Our friendship was clearly of much more significance to the both of us than a boy.] Failed my speech exam not doing it anymore. Did no HW (study) again but worked out art.

Thursday 13/11/86

I got news today. I am very confused. Talking to Duane in biology – he said Mark (still) likes me a lot. I couldn’t believe him – rolled my eyes. He said ‘true!’.etc. I don’t know what to think anymore. He is so thick (Mark.) […OR “he’s just not that into you”? I mean, if he was Liss, he wouldn’t keep hooking up with other girls at all the parties, right? Oh dear.] I know I do really like him still, but my fondness for Cameron has grown too. And Monique likes him. What’s going to happen? I am so confused- I really don’t know what to do or think. My schoolwork is going terribly, too. My art – ugh! And no use thinking about maths & chem. really stuffed up there. Mima told me yesterday at speech that Chris K likes me, too. [I’d nominated him as one of my other best male friends at the party last week] I am so confused! It’s 9:45. Hot. Duane kept talking to me after bio too (I was late for art). He even told Mark the other day how thick he was. Mark reckoned “why am I always the last to find out?” (Concerning me at the party – everyone ‘knew’ I was upset about Mark. I couldn’t believe it – he’s thick!!

Friday 14/11/86

It’s so damn hot! 10:20. I’m still boiling!! Contemplated ringing Mark this arvy – couldn’t think of a good enough excuse – bio exam? (gam on!) Sally’s party? (gammon!) or even apology for ignoring him this week. (Ha Ha Ha!!)A Life in Words I think I’ll get my art done this weekend. Have heaps of paper & pastels. But must also study lots. Esp. maths & chem. esp!! So hot. I can’t believe it .. 35º – I’m not used to summer yet. [Technically it wasn’t summer yet anyway: December marks the beginning of Summer in the Southern Hemisphere] SHIT I’m boiling!! Might take the fan in my bedroom. Kiss. I wish I could kiss someone (who?) I feel like having a beautiful big kiss. Listening to radio lots – great songs at night. [Less TV has gotta be a good thing] Whew! Ragey holidays! Don’t wanna do exams. Yukky Oh well! Gotta do well. What a lot of babbling: Ha! Ha!

Saturday 15/11/86

It’s about 9:10. Just come home from Pizza Hut – yes, I know; I really bombed my diet tonight! Garlic bread, cola, orange juice drink, pizza & worst of all, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE! (Was very rich & I didn’t feel too well for a little while!!) [I don’t know that Chocolate Mousse would have been the worst thing, actually. I think it’s on a par with the drinks…] Am so tired now. Today? Well I did more bio revision. Got fixative [an art product: aerosol spray that ‘fixes’ pastel work on paper] this morning. Have 6 no 5, art pieces left to do. When? Must do chem, at least, tomorrow. Really was hot today – felt as bad as yesterday, but only got to 32ºC, yesterday 35ºC. Tonight is cooler (just) tho!!! Tired – all I can think about! (must put headphones on – “party night” tonight Play all good songs!) Been listening to the radio lots more now. [You have said that. Numerous times.] Excellent at night – play lotsa great music. esp. tonight. Work hard tomorrow Liss. And mend your diet!! Thinking about Mark. I do still like him deep down. [of course you do…] I’m just extremely fond of Cameron.

Sunday 16/11/86

A Life in WordsSo damned hot! Lucy rang tonight! God I’m hot! We talked – I told her my ‘love life’ in very small detail Julia came in my bed last night to share the fan. [Wow, I didn’t realise we were that poor that we couldn’t afford a fan each. I thought we had ceiling fans anyway…despite not having ceilings! We had moved into the unfinished house as soon as it was liveable and mum was going to get things completed along the way, whenever she could scrape the cash together. She did it tough, but rarely complained.] I finally got rid of her. I woke up every time I had to move – so squishy. Anyway, we weren’t on the phone long. She wants me to write a letter before she goes on holidays→ that means no later than next weekend. God I only finished (hastily) my bio study today. Didn’t even start chemistry. Shit & I got no art done on the weekend. (Well, very little) Do chem all tomorrow and art all wednesday – no! Must do maths then! God I’m in trouble!! I’m still unsure about love life, too. [You don’t say? Flip-flop, flip-flop…] I know I think Mark is what I want – Cameron I love. But only as a friend. a really good friend – but my mind keeps changing. If I say only one thing, I know I’m still attracted to Mark a little, at least. I still like to be where he is. It’s 8:50.

The School Mag, Some Sewing & A Dip in the Pool (3-9 November)

Monday 3/11/86

A Life in Words

My (now very aged) copy of the 1986 CHS yearbook

It’s in there [in our school magazine, ‘Euroka’]. That photo [one that was taken of Mark & I at a dance back in August – I was kind of obsessed with it. If you’d like to re/acquaint yourself with that episode, take a look at this post and the one that succeeds it: 11-17 August]. On page 7. At first I was embarrassed but I am glad its in there (not telling anyone (well almost) that, tho!) Cameron talking to me in chem. about Sunday. Told me none of them got sleep (him, Mark, Brett H) Chris, Glynn and Alan D were all in the beds at Cameron’s place so they sat in chairs!!! Were going to ring us up and tell us to take them to the beach and come over and make them something to eat! (wish they did!!) [Wish they did? …at first reading this horrified me; did I really want to be treated like a… like a 1950’s housewife? But to be fair to my little self, I know that my only desire was to spend more time around Mark.] At aerobics saw a cute guy who Mark & Cameron were talking to at Croc. Rock. Dylan [don’t recall that one (guy) at all] yummy!! I love the Euroka! I’ve coloured in pictures…I think I’ve wrecked it , but stuff it – it’s too late now!! I really don’t know about Mark. [What? Know what? Such confusion…] Am tired (not really) is 9:50. Did no HW. Oh well!!

Tuesday 4/11/86

A Life in Words

the ‘designated space’ for signatures on the back cover was never enough…

Got lotsa signatures – however the only guys were Duane, Chris K and Nev. Duane wrote a really nice one. He’s so nice. I wrote a nice one to him too (funny). Didn’t have the guts to get Mark to sign, let alone all the rest of the guys. Oh well, take it tomorrow & see what happens. I really wonder about Mark. I dream . . . wish. [Oh yes. We know, we know…] Mum dropped me to school again this morning – her offer, tho! Julia stayed home – extremely tired (what from – we don’t know) And in sweepstakes at Geoff’s work – her horse got 3rd in the Melbourne cup, so she won $8. Mine I don’t know what happened to it – “Just Now”. [Damn, I just consulted Dr Google and discovered she won the Oaks in Sydney just two days later.] Raining a lot today. Didn’t get a seat on the way home again. fucking annoying. I hate the bus. [Oh how prophetic those words were… If you don’t already know what I’m talking about, you’ll find out in about 3 months’ time…] Is about 9:00. waste all my time colouring in my Euroka. Did no HW again today. Double bio tomorrow, again. Blech! Got 20/40 for my test – probly worst in the class.

Wednesday 5/11/86

Guess what? (again!) I got him to sign – 5th period Bio. Him & Duane had it the whole lesson. Donna & I looked at it on the way to little lunch [I had to have meant ‘big lunch’ here, because 4th & 5th period came after little lunch]. This is what he wrote on the front cover: “To dear Elissa, you’re my favourite lolly-pop lady. Hope that what happened is forgotten. [My guess is that this refers to his behaviour on the night of the final performance of our school musical, back in late August. Click here if you’d like a recap.] I hope to see you & your friends out more (crocodile rock) See you next year in ’87’ ‘GRADE 12′ UNREAL Then a monstrous signature. the buddiesAnd a cartoon Got neatest writing. Then throughout the book graffiti – on our photo. This is great… he liquid papered out the saying [you know how yearbook creators put those speech & thought ‘bubbles’ in over some photos? see pic] & wrote in. “So how about you & me going to a movie!” CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? A Life in WordsAs soon as I got to school, even, Kathy showed me what he wrote in hers – near our photo again something like “Hi Cathy. Mark. I don’t like this photo of me much but I do like this one” (me!) my signings increased so much today.. aerobics fun speech funny. Jeez I don’t believe what happened today. Don’t know how to reply to Mark’s invitation – even whether it’s a joke or not. 9:00

Thursday 6/11/86

Didn’t talk to him – have no guts! Poor guy – probly thinks I hate him (how dare he?) Hope he’s at Megan’s party tomorrow night – that’d be excellent. Rainy weather makes it cool.. wore sharon’s jumper for awhile today. Did a big ‘picture’ of Mark! Tonight, I enlarged a traced picture from Euroka and it turned out excellent!! I’ve stuck it on my wall tonight so I can look at it in the morning when I wake up. [oh dear] Love it! (Love him) Cameron wrote something decent in my mag. today – really sweet too… “Elissa, one of my close friends, hope you had a great ’86. Keep on smilin’, Cameron.” I thought it was so sweet. Sometimes I really feel like giving him a big hug!! Must tell him to go to Mege’s party! Is 10:00 – will be so tired tomorrow night  Can’t wait.

Friday 7/11/86

Ate one piece of pizza & watched a (silly) video, in art. Took up 4th, 5th, big lunch & 6th. I got so damned excited in chemistry about the party . Couldn’t wait – was practically having ‘fits’. Off the bus rode over & picked up Fi’s silk shirt. Was only  a very little behind time – began making a bag but didn’t get it finished so wrapped it up like a “bundle” (swag) Neat! Got to Pancake House. Sharon & I went for a walk met Fi & mima & some others. Back at P.H., Mark, Cam, Duane, Chris & Steven were there. I sat next to cam. Drank a fair bit. I got very tipsy – probly the closest I’ve ever come to ‘drunk‘. Was good – I really thought M. liked me. Talked a lot afterwards, waiting for a lift with Brent (Duane too.) At the party things changed. I got upset. [Here we go again…] Fiona spent heaps of time with him – I was pushed in the pool & being in this “state” wet[you mean drunk? Oh, upset. Upset …and drunk] began crying – alright tho – talking heaps to Cameron – told him how much I love him (as a great friend) [Haha, ‘textbook’ drinking behaviour] About Mark – Fi talked heaps to him about me. I think he doesn’t like me. Only wants to be friends.

Saturday 8/11/86

I didn’t talk to him again that night avoided him all the time – Sharon got with him. was all over him that made it worse. Cried with mimey – saying it’s just like Brent –  will take ages for me to ‘hate’ (well, not love) him (anymore) Fi spent so much time talking – she wasn’t with him – I trusted her to tell me the truth. And Cameron & Fi were the ones I was “looking for” all night. Esp. when I was being harassed by guys like Jahrad B Michael I. Chris, Duane & Cameron, esp the latter one, I decided are my best male friends. Duane is so nice. Everyone knew I was upset about Mark. In the end, when the guys finally left and we were revved for disobeying instructions (I’m sure Megan hates me) watched videos all night drifted off very little. Had snacks around 3:00. I tried to get Fi to tell me what they talked about – [she said it was] just why monique & I wouldn’t talk to him. [This has just made me realise Monique wasn’t at the party. I wonder why? I’ll bet I’d wished she was when Sharon started acting out with Mark…] Nicole I made friends with. In fact we hung round a fair bit early morning. Went home around 9:30 I think. Slept today – too tired to study much & I almost finished the bag – Is bloody excellent for an amateur I reckon!! Thinking alot; mark – if he only wants to be friends, why did he write so nice about me in Cathy’s Euroka? [I’m really searching for some Hope, huh?] (The movies thing was a “joke” – Duane told him to write it) And cameron my best friend. Really confused I am. REALLY CONFUSED. And tired. Early night tonight (Broke diet badly last night & lost my purse with $10 in it SHIT [Believe it or not, ten dollars warranted getting a little upset about back then. Nowadays it’s only two coffees.]A Life in Words

Sunday 9/11/86

Today I rather wasted. [Surprise, surprise!] Did very little to continue Bio studies. Besides that, I sewed. Mum was having a sewing day – fixing up mending – using up material. I scored  2 new pairs of shorts + a skirt (I haven’t finished yet) and of course, my bag is not yet finished, but looking excellent (well I think so!) Fi rang late this arvy – didn’t tell me anything new. she thinks he’s strange, too. said he really wants to talk to me. I don’t know if I can, I’d like to but I also don’t want to. [What?] Ha! Hot, rather, today! No rain clouds in sight today. Pity. I should do some work before I go bed – is 8:35 now. Should I? I’m to that tired – shouldn’t take me long to attempt it – I’ll see… well, nothing else to say except I’m going to see to it that everyone except Fi thinks I don’t like him anymore. [Hahaha] NITE NITE  Turn over a new leaf! →