Framing, Fraternising & Fantasising in the Final Week of Year 11 (24-30 November)

Monday 24/11/86

A Life in Words

At Trinity Beach. not everyone is in this group pic but I love it because my bestie has her arm around me :)

I woke up and attempted to get another piece done. HA HA HA!! Then, we rushed in [to school I am assuming] & back, passing Monique & Thorstein & Justine [on their bikes] on the way (both ways). [We were all cycling to Trinity Beach, and ‘collecting’ people on the way… I think they were heading to my place, to pick me up next…] We left here late going straight past morris st – we thought they’d [I think referring to Jemima & Fiona] left. When we finally got to the beach, they, of course, weren’t there. So we waited (Thorstein had rung & found out they only just left) when they arrived so did Carla & Brent. We sunbaked (I didn’t get burnt – almost everyone else did! Very little fun though) and swam – my hair’s blonder tho! – [swam only] a little cos there were sea snakes. And we hired a cat. (Rage!) Rode home slowly stopped at freshy [Freshwater Creek our ‘local’] for a swim Pigged out – just a few chips, pita bread & yoghurt – cos’ I forgot my food today. All I’d had was (about) 4 cans Diet Coke. [OMG, that poison. I can’t believe how much of that stuff we used to drink. I just hope whatever damage we did by consuming it has been righted (healed) by now…] Now staying at Fi’s. Watching videos then riding to exam in morning. Ragey. Monique can’t get onto her father yet….

Tuesday 25/11/86

Boring. I saw him once, really briefly before exam – close, tho’. Last night we watched 2 videos, Polly, Kylie & Brent went home. Monique was exhausted [fell asleep, while] – mima fi & I stayed up till 2:00 talking & laughing. Uncomfortable sleep- got numb arm! Rode quickly to Monique’s when she got changed etc, rode to school. Saw Mark near my (in, at times) art room (exam room) Art was ‘easy’ but I stuffed it up. Got overall out of 70 mark – 59. Not good enough esp. for how I (might’ve) gone in my test. Got eng. 27/30!! Believe it!! I couldn’t! I thought I’d done really badly! Fi and I waited all the rest of the day till mime had done her choral exam. Had a good talk and etched our names in our area [vandals!]. Hot ride home. Am exhausted. Did no HW (HW? you say) Yes – exhibition works! [ART homework] Haven’t finished yet! Gotta get framed, too. Crikey! “Ohm!” meditation! Gammon [Oh if only I was actually serious about the meditation. For those who don’t know, ‘gammon’ in Australian slang (particularly common to indigenous Aussies) has negative connotations…implying what you said wasn’t true. Here, I’d’ve been thinking “meditation? AS IF! Duh, no way”] 8:30

Wednesday 26/11/86

A Life in Words

I’m not exactly sure what day this pic was taken but I know it was sometime during this last week of school

Chem. Fail 34½/80, but I’m sure I found 9 marks which weren’t added on in process multiple choice Q’s. I PASSED MATHS!! By 2½ marks! 32½/70 … gone up 9% this sem. overall from 46% to 55%!!! [Barely passing would have mortified me a few years earlier… just passing was my hope these days, but improving on the previous semester’s results? BONUS!] English: y’know 27/30 – 82% up by 2%, art, well, I’ll be lucky to get a Very high [Achievement]. Dunno yet. Bio hasn’t finished marking yet, but so far, am 44/63. BAD. I’d wanted to get a V.H. for bio this semester too. Today was boring really. Did nothing besides find out marks. (I beat Cameron in everything – he hates me now) Mark was around. He has a gorgeous face – bone structure etc. Eyes. I laughed at a little joke in biology and he looked at me smiling (not for long – like a glance) Then this arvy I tried to do more art. Just finished crying. I’m not going to get half the stuff I wanted to get in, in. Big Trouble for Lissa. No money [sales = income]. Is 10:45. Going at 8:30 tomorrow to get my work framed. at Upstairs Gallery. Got my fuckin’ periods 2day. [Every woman’s joy]

Thursday 27/11/86

Boring! Mark was there – but left. We sat in Monique’s maths class with about 10 others, then Justine, Fi & I went to the hospital to see Leanne – she’s really sick – they think gall stones. OH NO. Poor Leanne. Back at school, Mark’d left. I got chem. result fixed up – passed! 43½/80!! [It’s a miracle!] Then, walked to Justine’s (saw gr. 4&5 photos of mark! – yukky [!?!] – bit cute, too – very different!) Mrs F took us into town. Spent the rest of the day there. caught town bus home. Did little artwork tonight – umah. [Hang on, you’ve been in tears the night before… but don’t care today?] Tomorrow, everyone (or lotsa people) are going to crystal cascades. I can’t wait! Rang moni – she doesn’t know (she’s shitty – found out Cameron only wants to be a friend) Sharon is, and Cameron is. (doesn’t know how ringing me back tomorrow at 9:00.) Chris told monique last night. Wonder who C. McK does like? Oh, Mark. I want you. Oh Cameron. I love you!! 2 fav. guys! Saw Upstairs Gallery about my framing this arvy – can do it for $100!!! 9:47

A Life in Words

One part of Crystal Cascades popular swimming hole. We went further upstream on this particular day.

Friday 28/11/86

It was a mess. Heaps of phone calls but finally, Sharon & I were about to ride to Crystals, when Cameron, Glynn in Brian’s car all came – gave us a lift. We were the only girls apart from Tanja S and Melinda B. Heapsa guys – Cameron, Glynn, Chris, Brent, Steven, David & Peter S, Brian & others like Mark F, Todd Q Torstein… we swam. and sat. and I got burnt shoulders. No problems with periods. there were 8 in the car home – all the guys came in to my place for cold water. Cameron (silly!) left his shoes here. Sharon rang when she’d ridden home – she’s grounded not allowed to stay here tonight, nor go to the party tomorrow. I’m shitty. I have to work tomorrow, finished my bag, wax my legs & armpits, make my dress, make my belt, which I stuffed up just now, FUCK IT and my fuckin’ hat. [I was clearly going through a phase of making (including sewing) lots of stuff… in the midst of… a lot of other stuff (think all the artwork I was meant to be producing for our exhibition). I am only realising now that it’s a lifelong trait of mine: to take on multiple things all at once: which most certainly holds the potential to conjure Stress, ultimately. Like, for example, having 4 jobs…] Cameron also rang this arvy. So’d monique. She wasn’t allowed to go today – not that she didn’t want to. [I’d assumed she may not have wanted to because Cameron was, potentially feeling hurt and/or embarrassed by his rejection] 9:30?? friggin periods!

Saturday 29/11/86

Before work I collected my art stuff . It’s alright – a bit bent – and NOT vacuum pressed, tho. I was ripped off I think. $90 and even ‘Marilyn’ [one of my pieces] was wrecked. (well, a bit more warped) Earned $14 at work. Mum picked me up. Rushed to pack at home. Chris & Glyn were at monique’s swimming. Camille’s (her sister) bus was late. At 7:30, we were rushing. The ‘Kellys’ took us [to the party – whose it was I can’t recall. In fact, I barely remember the location and the following events]. Mark came with Cameron. I finally sat with him and Fi on the grass (& Cameron & some others) Now, it was hot, to Mark. He asked Fiona if she’d sit and talk in the gutter. Everyone said I said this (I can’t remember ..musta been only a joke) “Leave Fiona alone, don’t try anything on her” [jealousy?]. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he got angry. Walked with Fi [privacy omission here]. Cameron & I went down (so did nicole) I tried to say sorry. He was raving on about how he hates people pre-judging him (& others) I started crying. But in the end we hugged. Then cam & I left Fi & him to talk. They came up after  and mark asked me to come and talk…→ [continued on the next page of  the diary…]

Sunday 30/11/86

we sat in the grass. And talked. He does like me. At least, he said. A Life in Words“My favourite waste of time” reminds him of me – he thinks of me or if possible looks at me. [This relates to a previous party where I discovered that this was one of his favourite songs. To revisit that episode, click here. There’s also a link to the song on YouTube in case you fancy a listen] And a certain star in the sky reminds me of him. And I’m one of 2 people he’s ever met who he thinks he could settle down & marry & live happily with. We told each other lots about how we felt. Then we talked about general things. And after we walked to the beach (Chris, Cam. Glynn, Mark, Alan B, Nicole, Clarissa, Moni, me, sharon) (Chris tryin on to me – embarrassing!) We talked for ages, then. He loves apricots. Wants to own a ski lodge in Canada – a red ferrari like Magnum’s [that’s Magnum P.I. – an 80’s TV show/character], our house will be in the snow mountains with fruit trees & a big slippery slide down to a tropical beach with a 40 foot yacht!! Anyway, at 3:30, Cameron got his mum to take us to Nicole’s – she made 2 trips. [Good god, mothers can be VERY accommodating to their children – and others’!] Slept very little at Nicole’s if at all. Mark being my friend. (Said he wants to be a friend & more than a friend – he’s afraid of me!) – like I am! He says that’s like mima & brent (their love being deep & strong from ‘fear’ (?)) Walked to monique’s at 7:00. Mark didn’t say anything at all in the morning. Spent day – slept 3hrs, had a swim then went to set up exhibition .. Mark snobbed me. I began to wonder …could all those things he said possibly be untrue?

A Life in Words

Me & Mickey (Monique’s other nickname) setting up for the art exhibition

 

Flat Tops, Failing & Friends on the Phone (17-23 November)

A Life in Words

Drago (Dolph Lundgren) sported a flat top ‘do in Rocky IV (1985)

Monday 17/11/86

Boring day. Mark I saw once (had a haircut – Cameron too; Flat top!! [ah, the old flat-top! Think ‘Ice-Man’ in Top GunLooks cute!!) Wasn’t at parade – just at the beginning of little lunch briefly. Talking to Cameron, Glynn, Chris & David lunch hour – everyone was gone – mima & Fiona & lots left after double chemistry. Monique & I did nothing. Studied chem a bit tonight and can understand most of what I’ve learnt (or read) Hope I can get the rest done tomorrow. Is only 9:00, but bags under my eyes make me go to bed. Talking to Chris & Cameron in maths – Cameron & Mark had a big fight Friday arvy. Chris did with Duane, too I think. said something about mark – Chris said “Have you talked to mark?” I said “what about?” He said “you know that night” I didn’t answer. [Perhaps not just because I may not have known what (which night) he was referring to, but also whether he was just…baiting?] Cameron said something can’t remember, but wasn’t positive. Got me wondering. Cameron’s always going on lately about how good a friend I am.. wonder If he was trying to say something [Haha, this young girl has not yet learnt that males don’t “drop hints”. Don’t read into everything, Liss.]

Tuesday 18/11/86

Fail. Written all over my brain. I could not do anything. It’ll be a miracle if I pass – a doggone miracle. Boring day. Not actually; studied this morning, but went to school around 12:00. Stayed talking to Monique. Then walked up to exam room with Heather, Linda & Justine (Cameron a little of the way) Is hot (had a big thunderstorm – lightning etc…) Raining lots – I got saturated! Caught bus home with Fi. Monique rang in the arvy. Talked about miscellaneous stuff. A Life in WordsIn shower, I got a phone call from a guy. Julia didn’t get name or anything. Cameron forgot to ring back – lucky I rang him. Talked abit about Moni – lots about miscellaneous – didn’t get any news ’bout mark ‘cept that he really likes Fiona a lot as a friend. “Jealousy?” Was Cameron trying to make me jealous? [Highly, highly unlikely!] Asked about what he’d said in maths – said I was hearing things. [The boys often said that. It simply means either “I don’t want to tell you” or more likely “I don’t remember”.] Thank God. (?) It’s 9:15. Gotta go.

Wednesday 19/11/86A Life in Words

Monique rang 4 times. For most of the time we talked about nothing in particular – sometimes not even talking. [This is another of the defining characteristics of our friendship, and it is said that this kind of sitting in silence is the stuff of true friendship: total comfort in each others’ presence. Monique was the first person with whom I’d ever experienced this ease, this depth of peace – besides my mother & sister of course. Mind you, I also hate being on the phone these days so this particular experience is unlikely to be replicated.] I’m ashamed to say I wasted the day. I did very little maths study and no art (practically) –  no english or anything. I ate one hell of a lot I think I’d better stick to the diet again – I’ve gone up to 62kgs again. So it’s been a waste of time. Waste of a day. I can’t believe how restless I get when studying. Wish Mark’d ring. Or even just Cameron. In a way I envy monique yet I think she envies me – that I can get on so well with him, so easily – like I envy Fiona and her friendship with Mark. I wonder if he envies Cameron? Wouldn’t that be nice? [No, it wouldn’t. Too much envy, too much Wanting!] Hottish day. Shoulda done some exercise – reading about it in a magazine – really good for all aspects of your life – fitness mentally, physically, socially… [Well isn’t this interesting? Perhaps a crack in the door opening to my future fitness career? Well thank you, trashy magazine!] Is about 9:20. English tomorrow SHIT!

Thursday 20/11/86

It’s 12:30. I’ve been doing maths. I just finished reading over bio notes and now I have to get started on my art – my fingers are rather ‘slow’ – I can’t write quickly – ah, yes I can… leaning on the table! Got another letter from Delanie; she writes back fast enough. Talking ’bout mark – she reckons we’re both flipped over each other, but are ‘playing games’ esp. Mark. [Haha, that’s so cute: a friend who knows nought but what I tell her (my one-sided story, full of hope & guesses) analyses & concludes in my favour. Ain’t friendship grand?!] I saw him briefly today before english exam (each! – Dunno if I passed – didn’t do too well.) Wasted this arvy, kind of, too. But I got a little worried about maths. After a phonecall to Fi, I was a little reassured and got ‘stuck into it’. There’s not much (well, there is really) that I can’t do – I just have to think – trouble is, you don’t get time in exams!! Hope I’m not too tired to do my maths & bio. Boy will I be glad when tomorrow’s over! Not really; still have my art to do. OH NO!

Friday 21/11/86

Boy, am I tired now! It’s 10:10. I failed maths; there were so many things I couldn’t do. Saw Mark a little. Lunchtime – all of us (YR11 group – who were there) sat in the library ‘studying’ – yacking! (talking) [I don’t recall our librarians being big on telling people to ‘Shhhh”!] He was in my room for bio. It was fairly simple – I’ll pass – probably only give me an HA [High Achievement] overall this sem. cos I couldn’t do a few Q’s. [Ah, there’s a hint of potential dissatisfaction with regard to my grades. I thought that concern had died with the advent of my social life; that all I cared about now was simply passing. No, the Perfectionist is not dead.] After, talking to people Mark & Cameron hangin’ round. Cameron talks to me a lot. Then they went. We (Monique, Sharon, mim, Fi & I) went to mime’s to watch video tape of Last night’s Return to Eden, which I’d watched anyway. Then, dropped home, got ready & went into town. A Life in WordsOn way in we passed bill & mum was sure Cameron was in the front seat. (GREAT!) Bought new album 1987 Let’s Party [one of my favs!] and had tea at Pizza Corner Played record at home; was always looking out the louvres, hoping to see Cameron walk up the street. [As. If.] Hope he is at his dad’s place!! Maybe Mark’ll go over tomorrow. [Always wishin’] Finish a reply letter to Delanie 2morrow

Saturday 22/11/86

A Life in Words

My (now aged) Lorikeet drawing

Did another piece for art – my lorikeet (well, something like that) is possibly my best work!! I spent the whole morning on it. I have 4 left to do. When Nana and (great) auntie Nancy & Uncle Raymond and Ruth came over, I ate. I shouldn’t have but I did. Raymond was looking at some of my work – I showed them all my ‘exhibit’, I think they might buy! [No, they were just ‘encouraging’] made lotsa phone calls about Sean’s party – Monique tried to get Cameron & the guys to go but was unsuccessful. Still went tho’. Monique & I were driven by mum to Sharon’s (monique got ready at my place) & Mrs Weeks took us there. It was … alright. Boring, yes. But not to the point of suicide. About 100 I think, turned up. I shouldn’t have drunk again. I got happy (was keeling now & then) I was eventually fine. [Hmmm, I don’t remember this one. Mind you, I suppose it’s silly to think you’ll remember every party you attend in your life… especially when you’re drinking at them…] But we scabbed a lift home with Justine at 2:00 (most people had gone or were going by then- ) Boring!! About 3:00 I got to sleep.

Sunday 23/11/86

Waste of a day. I started a piece of work. It progressed. But when I finished it tonight, Geoff pointed out something wrong. [This rings bells to me but I just can’t remember what that piece was] I tried to fix it but stuffed it up instead. So I scrunched it up & threw it away. I was a little upset, too. [You don’t say?] Monique left around 10:00 this morning (riding home) Boring day. I ate chocolate cake and chips. I think I’ll have to forget being really strict on my diet→ on the holidays it’s too hard. I’ll still try to balance what I do eat & “substitute” etc. [I’d love to know what I meant by that – “substitute” – back then. I’m quite certain there’d be a difference in meaning now.] Oh, I wish I could’ve gotten more art done. Don’t think I’ll get much finished. And, god, when am I going to get everything ‘framed’? How much will it cost?? OH NO! (Get dad to pay. He really should) [Of course, living with mum meant she forked out more in the act of rearing us. It’s almost unavoidable for the supporting parent, no matter how much the other may contribute via ‘maintenance payments’. This only intensifies my respect for her.] Can’t wait for the next weeks ahead (days) Befriend Mark, Elissa (your ambition for the week)

Radio Tunes, Self Talk & A Freaky Incident with My Best Friend (10-16 November)

Monday 10/11/86

I didn’t talk to him; ignored him as much as possible. What am I going to do? Everybody knows I like him – I have to get to be friends ..then – hope. NO! You don’t need him! You can have Phillip C. THAT’S YUMMY! And he likes you. He’s nuts about you!! He wouldn’t hurt you! Mark is missing out. He hasn’t realised yet that I’m the best thing that’s happened to him… I’m perfect for him ..but it’s his loss if he can’t realise it… I’ll be loved by others. And I’ll love them. He can suck! I’ll be his friend (Cameron’s my best tho’) [Well, if that wasn’t a rant and a half. Backflips, assumptions, predictions and precocious self-talk. Ah, the mental dialogue…] My work is getting ahead of me – I’m in trouble! (Art, especially.) Must try harder. Missed aerobics cos of work Did rather little, too! Listening to the radio – play all the good songs at night Yo! ho! ho! [←?? excited much?]  I had 2 pieces apple pie + lotsa chips today! UMAH!!! Is almost 9:00 Nite!!

Tuesday 11/11/86A Life in Words

It’s about 10:50. A special ‘Beatle’s ‘documentary’ just finished. Their ending (split) was so depressing But I love (most) the music. [So did my bestie, Monique. It’s another one of the things that I felt defined her… or defined her to me at least] Today I kept ignoring Mr. Up Himself. Also realised how much strife I’m in, concerning work: especially art. [Really? You’re only realising now? Are you sure? Coz I’ve heard this a number of times before…] (my studies are not progressing either) but mainly my art – have to know what I’m handing in for the exhibition by this Friday. [I came to realise that I only perform under pressure. This leaving-everything-to-the-last-minute only gets worse…] Oh well. Boring school is. It’s going too fast. Cameron was away today. No one (barely) I knew went to the BBQ (for year 11) this arvy. I didn’t! I think Mark did but who cares? I certainly don’t! I need someone to fall in love with – someone who’ll fall in love with me, too. Keep lookin’ Liss! You’ll get there!! God I’m tired!! Broke diet again – 2 extra pieces of bread + cuppa tea + extra pita bread UMAH

A Life in Words

My Bestie, Monique x

Wednesday 12/11/86

It’s about 9:30 (I got a letter from Delanie today and wrote a 15 page one back!!) I’ve decided I feel differently towards Cameron. Was thinking about it in chemistry – thinking about when I held his hand at the party [?! I don’t remember that!] – listening to his voice at the same time. YUM. Then in 4th period art, in the storeroom I was thinking whether I should tell Monique or not. When I came out, she said “Do you ever feel like telling your best friend something but don’t want to?” I said “yeah, I just was!” Outside, I knew she was thinking about guys. She came out with “I think I like Cameron!” I couldn’t believe the coincidence!! She told me she was also thinking about him in period 1!! Coincidences! Something more than that!! It was so freaky – same thing, same time, same thoughts!! UNBELIEVABLE!! [I love this: our ‘connection’ totally swamped any sense of competition with regard to Cameron. Our friendship was clearly of much more significance to the both of us than a boy.] Failed my speech exam not doing it anymore. Did no HW (study) again but worked out art.

Thursday 13/11/86

I got news today. I am very confused. Talking to Duane in biology – he said Mark (still) likes me a lot. I couldn’t believe him – rolled my eyes. He said ‘true!’.etc. I don’t know what to think anymore. He is so thick (Mark.) […OR “he’s just not that into you”? I mean, if he was Liss, he wouldn’t keep hooking up with other girls at all the parties, right? Oh dear.] I know I do really like him still, but my fondness for Cameron has grown too. And Monique likes him. What’s going to happen? I am so confused- I really don’t know what to do or think. My schoolwork is going terribly, too. My art – ugh! And no use thinking about maths & chem. really stuffed up there. Mima told me yesterday at speech that Chris K likes me, too. [I’d nominated him as one of my other best male friends at the party last week] I am so confused! It’s 9:45. Hot. Duane kept talking to me after bio too (I was late for art). He even told Mark the other day how thick he was. Mark reckoned “why am I always the last to find out?” (Concerning me at the party – everyone ‘knew’ I was upset about Mark. I couldn’t believe it – he’s thick!!

Friday 14/11/86

It’s so damn hot! 10:20. I’m still boiling!! Contemplated ringing Mark this arvy – couldn’t think of a good enough excuse – bio exam? (gam on!) Sally’s party? (gammon!) or even apology for ignoring him this week. (Ha Ha Ha!!)A Life in Words I think I’ll get my art done this weekend. Have heaps of paper & pastels. But must also study lots. Esp. maths & chem. esp!! So hot. I can’t believe it .. 35º – I’m not used to summer yet. [Technically it wasn’t summer yet anyway: December marks the beginning of Summer in the Southern Hemisphere] SHIT I’m boiling!! Might take the fan in my bedroom. Kiss. I wish I could kiss someone (who?) I feel like having a beautiful big kiss. Listening to radio lots – great songs at night. [Less TV has gotta be a good thing] Whew! Ragey holidays! Don’t wanna do exams. Yukky Oh well! Gotta do well. What a lot of babbling: Ha! Ha!

Saturday 15/11/86

It’s about 9:10. Just come home from Pizza Hut – yes, I know; I really bombed my diet tonight! Garlic bread, cola, orange juice drink, pizza & worst of all, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE! (Was very rich & I didn’t feel too well for a little while!!) [I don’t know that Chocolate Mousse would have been the worst thing, actually. I think it’s on a par with the drinks…] Am so tired now. Today? Well I did more bio revision. Got fixative [an art product: aerosol spray that ‘fixes’ pastel work on paper] this morning. Have 6 no 5, art pieces left to do. When? Must do chem, at least, tomorrow. Really was hot today – felt as bad as yesterday, but only got to 32ºC, yesterday 35ºC. Tonight is cooler (just) tho!!! Tired – all I can think about! (must put headphones on – “party night” tonight Play all good songs!) Been listening to the radio lots more now. [You have said that. Numerous times.] Excellent at night – play lotsa great music. esp. tonight. Work hard tomorrow Liss. And mend your diet!! Thinking about Mark. I do still like him deep down. [of course you do…] I’m just extremely fond of Cameron.

Sunday 16/11/86

A Life in WordsSo damned hot! Lucy rang tonight! God I’m hot! We talked – I told her my ‘love life’ in very small detail Julia came in my bed last night to share the fan. [Wow, I didn’t realise we were that poor that we couldn’t afford a fan each. I thought we had ceiling fans anyway…despite not having ceilings! We had moved into the unfinished house as soon as it was liveable and mum was going to get things completed along the way, whenever she could scrape the cash together. She did it tough, but rarely complained.] I finally got rid of her. I woke up every time I had to move – so squishy. Anyway, we weren’t on the phone long. She wants me to write a letter before she goes on holidays→ that means no later than next weekend. God I only finished (hastily) my bio study today. Didn’t even start chemistry. Shit & I got no art done on the weekend. (Well, very little) Do chem all tomorrow and art all wednesday – no! Must do maths then! God I’m in trouble!! I’m still unsure about love life, too. [You don’t say? Flip-flop, flip-flop…] I know I think Mark is what I want – Cameron I love. But only as a friend. a really good friend – but my mind keeps changing. If I say only one thing, I know I’m still attracted to Mark a little, at least. I still like to be where he is. It’s 8:50.