At 12:00, I hugged Ben, Sharon then Robbie. I knew it [was going to happen] straight away – we kissed. Then danced. Danced slow. Sat.. he went to dance, kissed me on the neck. It was wierd. I felt sick. I so badly wanted mark. I felt really confused. About 1:45 we left. Holding hands to taxi rank – far too crowded- no taxis in sight. [Sounds like your average New Year’s Eve scenario!] Rang their mum. Sat in the back holding hands. I felt so tired and sick, in the stomach. I was repulsed. Got to sleep, at home, around 3:30 I’d say, after getting ready for bed, talking & me worrying myself sick. [Sharon obviously staying at my house: I may be a bit insane but I’m fairly sure I didn’t talk to myself that often.] Woke about 9:30. Still worrying Couldn’t talk to Sharon – she doesn’t understand I can tell. Went to her place today going to go to beach, but didn’t. Got a video. Had a water fight. Left ∼4:30. I rang Monique a little while ago; on the phone for ages. I almost started crying sometimes. She’s leaving tomorrow. [For a holiday in Brisbane; her original home. They had only lived in Cairns for the past year, moving up as her father was transferred for work.] What am I to do? Sharon wants to do everything with B&R. (Well, Ben anyway) I tried to ring Mark. “he’s not home yet ..have no idea where he is” what am I to think about that? [I know what I’d think NOW…] Oh why do I get myself into so much trouble? [What trouble? You mean Stress. Well, it wasn’t really cataclysmic…] I love you Mark. I want you.
Friday 2/1/87
Woke 6:30. I’m not used to all the light in my bedroom, after Jodie’s dark (curtained) bedroom. [Aha, no wonder I love my blockout curtains now!] Makes me angry that I can’t sleep in. [Touché] I waited for 8:30→9:00 to come – for the mail & Mark’s letter but heard on 8:30 news – Aust. Post shut today. How slack. I was so upset. Cried. I was so tense & anxious today. About 9:00 I was driven to Freshy – got my haircut – the bob is almost visible. Could be lucky – could nearly grow out before school!! Fringe cut, too. I love it! So much easier to handle. But I was, of course, still upset. After spending less than an hour in town looking for shirts (unsuccessfully) went home. Did nothing. So worried – so restless. Rang Sharon later. She’d talked to Ben – said Robbie acting as if nothing happened. Somehow, it didn’t really relieve me. Nana came over – I was too unsocial cos’ of my worry. After dropping Nana home (gorgeous rain & thunderstorm) I finally worked up the nerve – I rang him. And it was GREAT! [Wow, ALL that worry for ‘nothing’] We’re going to see a movie sometime!! [“sometime”? that’s a nice ‘loose’ commitment…] Can you believe it? Lady Luck: I love you!! [Now this is just silly. What the hell has ‘Lady Luck’ got to do with anything?] It’s 10:05. I’m happy again. [sheesh!] Mark’s adorable!
Saturday 3/1/87
I woke after 7:00, believe it or not! And I had to ring Sharon – I thought she’d have forgotten. Around 10:15 they came. We went to Earlville. Did very little constructive. [What is there to do at a shopping centre that’s truly ‘constructive’?] Met the guy “Jim” who was with us at Nighthawkes on New Years. I felt embarrassed whenever they (Sharon or he) mentioned Robbie or Gemilla. [Oh that’s right, Robbie had a girlfriend? No wonder I was so stressed – I mean, on top of my other concerns. Interestingly, what I didn’t then know was that Gemilla was starting Year 12 at Cairns High this year as well…. Ooops!] Mrs W came about 12:15. We had (big) lunch at Dormay’s Cafe, then dropped into my place. Picked up togs and some stuff. Mrs W dropped Sharon, me & Nida (her dog (rat dog chiwawa?)) at Kamerunga. It rained. Hard. We walked all the way to annemaries. I had to carry the towels & dog & lilo (to keep it dry) while Sharon pranced round. Mrs W got us soon after. Watched Police Academy III after a pig-out at smithfield shopping centre. I stayed the night – Sharon taught me to play backgammon – Excellent game. After watching a really sick video, [‘sick’ didn’t have any ‘positive’ connotations back then, unlike today …besides its actual definition, it only meant either ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’] we crashed.
Sunday 4/1/87
Woke, after brekky played backgammon [Do you think I have any idea how to play it now? I don’t think I have actually played it since then.] That’s about all we did until mum picked me up at 10:00. A very boring day at home. I did crosswords from old magazines, watched cricket and ate. I’m angry – my appetite’s been rather small lately and now I go and stuff it up. Wish I could do something. If Monique was here, I could do lots – I get really sick of Sharon rather quickly. It’s 11:55 Really hot today. A bit of rain – but not really enough to cool it down. Crikey – I think I need an early night soon. I wish Mark’d hurry up and ring me. I can’t wait to go out.
HOME! I’m HOME! We woke (well, I did) at 5:30 (4:30 Qld time) got ready – finished packing. After [family] photos drove to airport. A short wait, and we were all (almost all) in tears.. I didn’t expect I would [cry]. On the plane, tears as we waved goodbye from plane & I absolutely gushed when we taxied down the runway & took off, over Sydney. Trip was boring. Didn’t really want to stop at Brissy but…. [back then there were less flights per day, as well as fewer routes, so a stopover in Brisbane was probably unavoidable, but with more family living in Brisbane anyway, the extra time was easily put to good use] Uncle Steven looks so much like dad. Only other person I see in him is papa. [My grandfather. Contrary to the way people usually pronounce it, we used to call him “paa-paa”] Dad & Papa mixture. Simon (youngest) is so cute) Daniel (hmm..) & Ben rather shy. Auntie Bev changed little. day was boring there. Glad (almost) to get on the DC-9 (hate those planes – always get sick/feel sick) Boring flight short stop Townsville (lotsa cloud & turbulence between Bris & Townsv.) Nightime in Cairns. Dad, Jenny & Geoff there [at the airport, I assume]. Feels so good to be home. Yet I still love Sydney! After I unpacked rang Sharon – not home, monique – not home & mark – not home. GREAT, GUYS! I’m home, but no one else is. [Funny that: the world doesn’t revolve around you!] Oh well 10:05 sleep in 2morrow
Tuesday 30/12/86
Boring. Disappointing. No one answered when I rang Sharon. Monique was home. She invited me to town with her. About 11:00 I got there. Went to Richardson’s [a local department store that primarily retailed textiles] (sometime) and spent ages there ‘looking for a pattern’, then went back to Monique’s. Pool water was so “warm”. Camille & her uni friends Sam and Gayle there & soon Lyndon his friends Ian (cute!) and Tim (blech!) came. I was bored. Later watched a video (Eddie & the Cruisers) and I rang mum. She was mowing. I swam again & watched TV till she came, about 7:30. At home, after bath & dinner rang Mark. Was at the Waterworks Paul (I gather it was) said he’d be back after 9:00. I asked him to get him to ring me. Hasn’t yet – it’s 11:10. [Um, are you seriously still expecting a call?] I been reading Dolly since phoning him. SO HOT, HERE! Not used to it yet!! Jeez, I realized I haven’t a diary for ’87. What’ll I do for N.Y.’s Eve? Woke [this morning] to a light bedroom & revving of lorry engines next door SHIT
[In the Notes section at the back of the diary, I further analysed myself …in relation to Mark, of course:]
END OF THE YEAR; I’M REALLY “GOOD FRIENDS” WITH HIM, BUT STILL SO DAMNED INSECURE. CAN YOU BLAME ME? I need to be REASSURED CONSTANTLY +ves outweigh -ves. If I hear good stuff lots more than bad, I’ll worry less. I’m so sensitive and insecure; just too emotional. How am I to believe what I’ve heard, even from him? Why do I worry so much? It’ because I care so much SO MUCH. I wish I could believe everything said to me. But I think of bad things, anything that goes against what’s been said – so I am curious, and anxious. ← that’s insecurity
The arty record of the final days of 1986 per my school diary
Wednesday 31/12/86
Well, Mark rang, after Sharon this morning. He’s (possibly, but most likely) going to Croc. Rock. It was only in town with Sharon that I decided I’d go- (our phone call [with Mark, that is] was not really happy – told him I wasn’t going out.) We met Ben & Robbie A. in Good Time [a local clothing retail store]. I was introduced. We stayed with them the rest of the afternoon. I got really relaxed around them. (Ben, anyway) Robbie really wanted us (me) to meet them tonight. “You gotta go out – my, Ben’s, your first New year’s Eve Out. So I did. We were late (Sharon & I). Ben was there Robbie was at Nighthawkes. Walked there. [to Nighthawkes? From Crocodile Rock? Sheesh, that would’ve been damned long way…] I got in, on my own .. NO SWEAT!! We danced. Ben & Rob are so good at dancing. Then midnight came. Goodbye ’86. You were a really enlightening year. I matured a lot this year. FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT’S STORY, SEE 87 DIARY 1st JAN [I created this ‘strict’ habit of quitting the story, my diary entries, right on midnight. Because – of course – that’s when the years ended, right?]
[Again, in the Notes section I summarised the year and set the scene for 1987:]
1986: This year I have grown up (?) or changed (yes) a lot. So many beneficial things happened due to my shift to Cairns High. I’ve made more friends – males like I’ve never had before. I’ve opened up more – gained in confidence because of it. But a subsequent downfall in schoolwork due to increased (dramatically increased) social life. [I have to admit, I totally nailed it. To this day, even with the benefit of hindsight, I can’t deny that the shift to Cairns High was a notable turning point or life milestone.]
NEXT YEAR I WILL HAVE TO KNUCKLE DOWN. MUCH MORE THOUGHT & CONCENTRATION IS REQUIRED. MY LIFE LIES AHEAD – MY CAREER WILL HAVE TO BE DECIDED. [There’s a hint of the pressure that a lot of teens feel even to this day. Even at 44 years of age, I can totally identify with the stresses many of senior secondary school students feel with regard to their futures. This is most definitely a timeless, universal sentiment.] MANY DECISIONS TO MAKE
I realised today that I’ve seen or talked to Mark every single day of the holidays so far; until today. Believe me, I tried not to break the record; I rang just 15mins ago – but it was his fault; [“fault”? Really? Your choice of words is…average] he was at Keith’s – and won’t be back till 10:00, by which time I’ll be asleep – the bags under my eyes are enormous! I tried to get a brown tummy today – after 20 mins I stopped. After lunch, mima came down – spent the rest of the day here – we talked & sunbaked together OUCH! My stomach is the colour of a tomato – NO JOKE! I’m surprised also – I noticed my stomach is smaller! And I’m 59 kilos!! I’m still trying to ‘lose’, tho’. Wanna get a tiny stomach [My stomach was (& kinda still is) the bane of my life …or at least, my least liked area. The females in my family – my mother, sister and I – seem to have a slightly disproportionate amount of body fat sitting on our lower abdomen (something that was reinforced by a fitness professional doing a body fat test on me in my early 20’s). I’m fairly sure it would be a genetic thing – in terms of natural fat distribution – but I’m experimenting with my nutrition to see if certain macro-nutrients affect it more than others.] at least (and a brown one) if this burn peels – I’ll scream! I mean it! [Yep, the only after-effect of sunburn we cared about back then was peeling, and losing our ‘colour’. Skin cancer wasn’t given a thought, even though advertisements were beginning to be aired in the media] Sharon rang after mima left this arvy (we talked a lot!) we’re going to town tomorrow – I’m meeting her at school. I’m gonna wear shorts on my hips & a boob tube! OUCH! 9:07 sunny mostly 2day!!!
Tuesday 9/12/86
I went to town. We didn’t see a movie. Met her at school – on bus, talking to Joannah. At bus stop, Mrs M, Karen & Mrs P→ telling me all about Peter C what he does etc. [When I read this, it made no sense to me at all. I remember the guy’s name, and that he was at in my year at school, but I have absolutely NO idea why these people were telling me about him. I have a feeling it had something to do with trying to pique my interest. Sorry, no hope …as y’all can tell…] We walked round all day. Sharon bought a shirt [from] ‘Double Vision’ [local clothing store] – we might be modelling for them (‘Ha’) Also, Sharon helped me work up guts to ask Vic Mellick [whom I vaguely knew through my father] about casual work [in his men’s clothing store] – no sweat! No work now, but ‘yes’ for new year! Dim & Victor followed us, too. Rather cute (alright) but Mark is best. Caught 5:20 bus home. Nana was here. They told me Mark rang I rang back – talked only a little while – told me how Fitzroy is $22 now. RIP OFF! [That WAS a huge price to pay back then. We had been able to get student discount fares to Green Island for about $6. These days you’re looking at about $70 to get to Fitzroy.] A cabin for 2 is $22.50 per night. [That was also considered relatively expensive (although I’m assuming the idea would have been to split the cost with others – most likely Monique & Cameron at the very least) back then. Those cabins are “long gone” now and there’s really only a resort on the Island, to my knowledge – for which you’d be paying at least $130 per night for the cheapest room.] Were thinking of next Mon, Tues & Wed. but I’ll be gone. Also told him about Friday night. said I’d ring before then. He said “that’d be nice!” BLOODY STOMACH PAIN! Sunburn. Is 10:00 night!
Wednesday 10/12/86
Year One class photo. I’m 3rd from the right in the front row. And yes, that is my ‘barbie’ doll in my lap!
I spent the day at home, nursing my poor sore, burnt, ultra-red, stomach, watching TV and that was about it. I ate little – I’m glad! My appetite is not humungus! (Is that how you spell it?) [Nope. It’s ‘humongous’!] Anyway Monique called and I called Sharon & Mima called. We went to the [Grade One] reunion about 5:00 – I put vitamin E cream on my tummy – it’s good stuff! Not sore at all! Just still a little tender – but that can’t be helped. It was alright – a little boring, but mostly fun. I stayed at [privacy omission]; we wanted to sneak out. I rang Mark from Mr M’s …talked for awhile (I felt proud!!) […proud that I had a GUY …to call …that I didn’t REALLY have to call. I’m actually a bit ashamed now that it I used my host’s (my Grade One teacher – someone I obviously didn’t really know very well) landline to make a non-essential private call during a party. I’d consider that kind of rude now, definitely precocious.] He’s such a honey! We’re going to crystals Friday – he’s ringing me tomorrow night. We were fairly sprung at [privacy omission] – her mum got very suspicious cos of a few stupid things we did so we decided against going out (her mum found the house keys + $5 hidden. SKINT) [Five dollars…really? Even though things did cost a lot less than today, I still wouldn’t’ve thought $5 would even get us a cab to the nearest nightclub, let alone into it (cover charge) and drinks…?]
Thursday 11/12/86
I can’t remember which were the two original charms, but one thing I do know is that I’d never have bought the gun, nor the scissors, myself. So they must have been gifted to me at some stage…
Woken by a phone call for me. Mum picked me up. Dressed at home, after a shower & fresh application of Vit. E cream. She did an ‘errand’ then we withdrew all our money out for our holiday. I got my artwork + cheque for $35 coming – can you believe I got $60 from this art thingy [exhibition]? $44 from my picture ($1 to endeavour foundation) & $16 from painting windows in Fun in the Sun. At home after lunch, I did big fat nothing. All the phone calls tonight! There was rather little gained from them, too! So many calls to be made tomorrow morning . . .my god! Dad, Jenny & Anthony came round – we got a watch (el cheapo) + sterling silver charm bracelet + 2 charms. That I love! It’s absolutely gorgeous – I started packing this arvy – my stomach’s not sore at all – only very lithely [?!] tender! But its starting to peel… 11:50. Late umah! Night!
Friday 12/12/86
Phone calls, yes. Terry picked me up about 9:30-10:00. Patrick O’S + Peter P were there with Mark & Keith (& Monique) We picked up Fi. Was fun at crystals. Mark & I talked, of course. I had to ring him at 8:15 this morning He was tired. So was I, I guess. At home, I mucked round – busied ‘packing’ and sewing. Finally, after lotsa phone calls, and a rush to get ready, went to nana’s. Gave her her presents (my lorikeet picture) [there’s a photo of that piece in this post if you’d like to know what I’m talking about] I met Fi at the shop – we walked into town. Sat for yonks. Finally rang Mark . . he said they’d come ‘now’. They almost had a fight when they got here. Backpackers was too full. When [privacy omission] came back, we sat round the mall doing nothing. Finally, [privacy omission] megan & sharon tried to drag me to Subway Rock – was closed. Mark, Fiona, Keith, Torstein & Daniel went to get pizza – Megan etc. dragged me off to Nighthawkes. Didn’t go in again – [privacy omission] & I walked back to others [crossover to Saturday’s page…]
Saturday 13/12/86
(Megan & Sharon disappeared for the night.) They weren’t there – so we went to Backpackers. Just debating who’d buy the drinks [being underage made most of us highly reticent about approaching the bar, naturally. You had to be good at projecting an air of confidence] when the others came. We all crowded round a tiny table .. soon Torstein & Daniel went, then Mark, Keith & I sat until the people told us they were locking up. [I think the place used to close at midnight back then] Talking, mucking around …we went to Yanks [a coffee shop in town that was pretty much the only thing open – apart from nightclubs – past midnight.] Stayed for ages – soon Mark got shitty – we left. They barely said goodbye when I got in the taxi. Slept at 1:30. Woke 7:00. Rushing round this morning – taping music, packing. Lotsa phone calls. Fi & Monique said goodbye. So did Keith. He apologised about last night. Mark could’ve, at least. After all, it was his fault. I felt really sad about not ringing him when I left. Dunno whether to write him a letter or not (Moni said yes) Plane trip was a little boring .. I read ([had a] Big lunch!) & listened to music & comedy [channels. Back in the day, “in-flight entertainment” consisted of a pair of disposable headphones that plugged into your armrest giving you access to about 8 various music & comedy ‘radio’ channels – on ‘loop’]. In Sydney [visiting family], we drove round awhile looking at places. Unpacked & watched TV (I don’t remember anything!) Walked to shop. Had a bath. Now 9:50 (8:50 in Cairns – Qld)[the whole ‘daylight savings’ thing was a novelty for me: Queenslanders have never had to change their clocks for Summer. It’s actually a contentious issue because the southern part of Queensland – where the majority of the state’s population reside – experience similar daylight changes and in particular, the cities on the border with NSW (southern Gold Coast & Tweed Heads) struggle with time differences economically (businesses) and socially (schools et al)] MISSING THEM ALREADY
Sunday 14/12/86
I was still very tired today (mostly now) It’s only 10:00 (9:00 in Qld) Jodie’s working tonight – short notice. We went on the boat [yacht]. Julia was sick – anchored at “7 shillings” Beach near/at Double Bay. We lay in the sun (but mostly in the shade all day) slept a bit. Julia was too sick to go back on the boat, so caught a taxi with mum. Jodie & I were too exhausted so we went with them. Watched TV (the rest of Bachelor Party on video) Got a little browner today – a little burnt! Have a headache still. My neck is burnt, as is my face – but that’s it. Still really tender near my left boob- looks like a rash of some sort. Hafta get lotsa sleep tonight. I am missing Cairns. Will have to get down to some letter writing when I get postcards tomorrow. Esp. mima & fiona’s. I need to write lists of who to write letters to and get prezzies for. Wish Mark & I hadn’t left on bad terms. His fault. I keep wanting to ring him.
Boring! Boring! Boring! I ate and watched TV. And that was about it. I also got my haircut and love it! All the long bits are cut off! I have a very short bob and the right side is layered short – blending into the bob [making it the true ‘asymmetrical’ style that was the 80’s]. The very first hairstyle I’ve ever been completely happy with! Jeez, I’m gonna be a Norm if I keep this up→ Watchin TV & eating Boring.[“Norm” for those who don’t know, was an animated character – representative of the ‘normal’ Aussie bloke – central to the governments’ physical activity campaign “Life. Be in it.” which ran for many years, attempting to educate the Australian public and encourage changing to healthier lifestyle habits.] M.M.MM Mark! Can’t wait to see him again!! Talked to Petra (she came over) she thinks he’s spunk too. Mrs W also came over to pick up Sharon’s bike HOW BORING!! 9:30 Gotta hava shower yet. Gord!!
Tuesday 24/6/86
Today, after a lot of phone calls, it was decided we’d go to town (some people had specific things to do) and also see “Crocodile Dundee”. Was a great day! Beka, fi, Mima, lucy & me (And Brent sometimes too) walked around and had fun. I walked down to dad and got $90 for schoolbag, jumper & 2 shirts. (But didn’t buy any thing after all cos I couldn’t find anything I particularly liked.) Croc. Dund. was fabulous (again!) for everyone except fi (& Brent I think) it was the 2nd or 3rd time!! Kept hoping Mark’d pop up from nowhere. But it remained→ a hope. Went to Lucy’s after. (mima, Fi & I) to discuss tomorrow nite. We’re staying over – Mr W shouting us to dinner→ we’re gonna sneak out to Crocodile Rock!!! [A popular nightclub in Cairns that was strangely not even located in the CBD, but in a heritage building – called the House on the Hill – in the suburb of Mooroobool.] Ragey!! Hope Mark’ll be there!! Is 9:13
Wednesday 25/6/86
Boring until nighttime!! Made a new glass bead bracelet, watched a bit of TV, visited Lucy and got excited!! Went to Lucy’s again around 5:30. Got hair fixed. Looked great but felt like straw!! [That means there was an abundance of gel used…] Then started make-up when mima, fi & Beka came. They looked so much better than me (not more grown-up just prettier – better clothed etc) Rushed round. Down at Freshy Connection [the local ‘Kuranda Scenic Rail’ station, which includes a restaurant in which you dine in 85 year old ‘retired’ train carriages] we laughed and carried on in our carriage (had wine & mim & I had Kalua & milk) Caught a taxi after (all packing it) [the phrase “packing it” means “really nervous” – similar the phrase “packing shit” which relates to being ‘scared shitless’!!] But the guy at the entrance knew we were only ‘kids’ still we filled in forms [in those days if you didn’t have any ID, you simply filled in something like a statutory declaration before entering the establishment. Too easy.] with false names and addresses [that’s exactly what everyone did, and most likely the reason why it was abandoned eventually] and let us in…. there were only 11 people in there!! Martin G
[….here I had crossed over onto the next page (Thursday’s entry) in order to continue my story. This happened a lot in the future, when I didn’t fill out my diary until some time later – usually the next day – and had so much to tell…]
Thursday 26/6/86
said most had chosen Nighthawkes that night so when we were waiting for him & his (cute) friend to finish their drinks & take us there – up comes Mr W!! God help us!! [Hahahahahaha, That was SO funny. We were MORTIFIED!] He hadn’t told any parents but had been thinking ’bout it & decided he couldn’t take the responsibility incase we were found out. [He had knowingly allowed us to go in the first place] So we had to go. SHIT. Back at Lucy’s, we brooded about it, & stayed up till Brent and Martin G came over. (Told us how packed Nighthawkes was) upset us more, then we all stayed up til 3:30, talked, walked and sat on the gutter huddled up against the cold. Then we woke at 10:45 this morning & got out of bed at 3:00 to go grocery shopping with Jane & Lucy at Coles. Stayed at Lucy’s for tea then went to mima’s. Slept there (got to sleep around 1:30) Watched rock videos Ha! Ha!
Friday 27/6/86
Woke late again today, but not like yesterday! About 9:00 this morning I think. We watched music videos this morning after fully waking up. Lucy left early then after cleaning up, mima fi & I went home, when Justine turned up SHIT!! What the hell could I do? I talked (trying to lie about what I’d done (well, not try)) [I’m amazed that I felt I had to lie. Upon reflection, I wonder if it was because I so often felt left out of things myself, that I just assumed others felt the same too, and I couldn’t bear to hurt their feelings so chose to cover it up instead? Hmmm. I’ve definitely matured in this regard] Jemima & Fi went home and I went to town with Justine – it was boring. Saw Becca G & Anne Marie → they said Brizzy trip was a rage. Saw mima (didn’t see me) so I went home around 6:00. Fi & mima rang mark today while I was talking to Justine!! Shame! But he wasn’t home. I’m also doubting a bit→ could Greg have lied about Mark?? Hope not. And what does Steven B know? About 9:00?? [this last question is unrelated to the others – I would have been trying to guesstimate the time it was]
Saturday 28/6/86
Boring Boring Boring!!!! I spent the day at home. But thank goodness I didn’t eat so much!! I lazed around – bored shitless. Got over 9½hrs sleep last night – but will take more than that to get rid of these bags under my eyes!! Geoff, mum, Fi & I went to Drive In to see Police Academy 3. Was “fair” not as good as the others. Fi & I talked on the way home. she’s not sure but thinks Mark does like me ie: Greg told the truth (there are so many factors that point to that) Also said she’d try’n’ask Steven what he knows. Is 11:03. Sleep in tomorrow (my last time!) Also went shopping this morning. Got a grey shirt!! Hoping to bleach or fade it. And also make-up kit with blush & eyeshadow Green pink purple yellow brown blue white & dark grey UNREAL!! (Haven’t done a scrap of speech HW these holidays) UMAH
Sunday 29/6/86
Well, school tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous believe it or not. Today went rather slowly… it was boring too. I didn’t eat very much but what it was, I ate a lot of. No! I mean what I ate was fattening (and sickening) Oh dear me! It was so boring today that I have nothing to say. Nana came over. Julia (who spent last night with dad) was at work today. Is 10:16 → Trail of the Pink Panther will be finished soon. I can’t watch it – it’s too boring cos Peter Sellers isn’t in it anymore. I s’pose I’m also tired & kinda nervous about tomorrow. After all I haven’t been to school (& seen Mark) for 2 weeks …..
Mark was away at baseball trials and was accepted in the country team (Qld country, that is) Unreal, huh?! Good to see him again – drool. I Failed chemistry like I had the feeling I would 18½/40. Which accounts for 4.625% out of the 10% it was worth. [I’m surprised I didn’t chastise myself here] I should’ve worn a jumper today. It wasn’t cold; but I knew the coolness wasn’t doing me any good with this cold. [We still believed it was better to “sweat out” a cold. Old wive’s tale.] Bio tomorrow (looking forward to it!) Jemima went to NightHawkes Saturday night, with Sharon for Anne-Marie’s party. From what Anne-Marie told me, I gathered no (or not many – esp. M) didn’t go. But I think she might think she’s a bit high-and-mighty now. [I think I’m referring to Jemima here, not Anne-Marie] Wish I could go. I think Fi does too – but she’s allowed anyway. 9:33. Must get some sleep tonight. Am always so tired at school.
Cartoon published in The Guardian (UK) 15 April, 1986
Tuesday 15/4/86
We are on the EVE OF WW III
Today at 11am, the US bombed the capital of Libia. The USSR have now moved 40 Battleships from the Black Sea to surround 20 US subs in the Mediterraenen. THIS Is the eve of the 3rd World War
Special edition Australian $1 coin released for the International Year of Peace. Haven’t seen too many left in circulation…
I hate the world. Why? Why? Why is there so much hatred & violence & corruption? And to think this is INTERNATIONAL YEAR OF PEACE. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE IT??
I lost my appetite at dinner & this arvy. [My guess is because of the news. I’m clearly quite passionate and I know this hasn’t really changed much, so I take action to avoid getting ‘worked up’ like deliberately not watching the news, or reading papers] It’s 9:00. I hi-lited all the bits about Mark in my diary this arvy. Dunno why. Kept my jumper on all day – don’t feel as clogged up now. Bad mucus this morning. Couldn’t suck it back. Mark is such a spunky name!
Wednesday 16/4/86
They said Reagan bombed Libia again, last night. The feud continues…. I was so bored today. All my subjects except Biology bored me.. Even recreation “Fabric Painting”. Borwing! But sneaked out & talked to Tina S & Deyanne H. Also saw Karen G & Jane O. [All old Smithfield High classmates] But ‘best(??)’ bit was when we were let out at 2:55!! Sharon & me & Cameron talked & joked while waiting for the bus And it was funny! He’s wierd! (Nah!) Forgot about speech again, too. Cold is average – fading. Bad mucus which I can’t suck back or even spit out is always at the back of my throat & is VERY annoying. [I had bronchial issues for a lot of my childhood and if I get a cold nowadays, my recovery is protracted if the infection makes it to my chest.] Is 8:42. I asked mum about Nighthawkes. She said “NO”. Bitch. [What? A mother is a bitch because she won’t let her 15 year old daughter go to a nightclub? For the record, Jemima was never ‘allowed’ either…] Jemima’s smoking. I thought it was Megan’s fault (still do a bit) But apparently Fi said she wanted to start anyway. I think she should do what she feels, but personally I’d hope she’d stop. So does Sharon & Brent & some others. SHARON’s really mad about it. HATES MEGAN TOO.
Thursday 17/4/86
Well, well, well. Today was ‘fair’. My overdue library book which was lost in the art room I finally cleared up. The Librarian(s) was(were) very nice. They didn’t expect me to pay for a book which someone else had misplaced. It’ll just go on the ‘lost book’ list. Spent lunch & time before school with Sharon in Library, doing her english assignment. [I have a feeling I was helping her…not just keeping her company…] And little-lunch I stayed at art room. Made a big mistake – took a packet of butter menthols [throat lozenges] to school – I had about 1/5 of the lot!! [In other words, everyone else ‘scabbed’ them off me.] My mucus congestion was really bad yesterday & this morning. So thick I could neither spit it out or suck it back. But I took 2 sudafed tablets & after period 1, I was clear!! [You don’t say? Pseudoephedrine cleared up your mucous? Wow. Bet it made you a little bit ‘happier’ too…] (Mostly) YAY!! Is 10:06 Went late night shopping at Earlville. Boring – Really. Had Kentucky Fried for tea. Haven’t started my english assign. yet.
Friday 18/4/86
The now worse-for-wear clipping of the photo that made the Cairns Post. (I’m in the top right corner)
It’s 11:02. I’m bugared, but the Logies will be over in about 30 mins. Today was a “depressing” day. I was shitty (trying to be) with Cameron cos he got shitty when I tried to get on the bus before him. [Wow, really? Chivalry was obviously dead in the 80’s] I think he called me a bitch too. Then, before double art, Steven B & Mark♥?? were ‘crowding’ the door, so I kinda ducked through. I heard Mark mention ‘impatient’. I think he called me impatient. Thinking that upset me [OMG – hypersensitive! It was mostly likely said in jest. But in my defence, I was quite intimidated by him.] then there was general depression thinking about my weekend – boring again. See, Megan (Jemima’s influential friend) has invited almost everyone to her place for dinner Saturday night, to the movies & to her place sunday to watch videos. Except me. She even asked most people right in front of me – I knew she didn’t like me. mima said she did. Didn’t hand in any eng. assignment. Mr Grossetti was away. Russell Francis [a renowned photographer for the city’s newspaper, the Cairns Post] took CAD photos today. I’m gonna be famous!! (Nah.)
Saturday 19/4/86
Oh! I’m a bit warm! I’ve got winter PJ’s on. Wore them last night too and had my covers on too but tonight I’m just right. Earned $23.00. Drums & office work and labelling (or de-labelling) At home I did nothing. Wasted 2 hrs or so. Coulda done HW. Last night my dream was really funny. I actually felt as if it was really happening. For example, Jarrad B held my hand and I could feel the roughness and types of feelings I could expect to feel when a guy holds your hand (not that I know) 11:30 now. I expect the others are out of the movies and all at NightHawkes or something. That’d be right. Leave me out. [I hated “missing out” on things. And especially being “left out”. But this has been a somewhat strong ‘theme’ in my life, so I have to wonder if this is one of my ‘life lessons’?] I am TIRED!! “Grease” was on TV. We’re doing it for CHS school musical. I definitely want a part now!! (Not major)
Sunday 20/4/86
Today was another total waste. I did chemistry homework and that was it. I know I should have been doing my english assignment but I couldn’t get myself to do it. Auntie Hil left today [here I am omitting factual information about others’ lives that is not my place to publicise]. I can see now why Jodie didn’t want to be left in Sydney. [And another bit of ‘hearsay’ relative to the event] That’s kind of “fizzed out” my excitement about going to sydney in Xmastime. Anyway… It’s only 8:40. We just watched the most pathetic showing of the Countdown Music & Video Awards. It was sucked. Boring day. Ate a lot. Eyes are sore.!!
I waited for 8:30→9:00 to come – for the mail & Mark’s letter but heard on 8:30 news – Aust. Post shut today. How slack. I was so upset. Cried. I was so tense & anxious today. About 9:00 I was driven to Freshy – got my haircut – the bob is almost visible. Could be lucky – could nearly grow out before school!! Fringe cut, too. I love it! So much easier to handle. But I was, of course, still upset. After spending less than an hour in town looking for shirts (unsuccessfully) went home. Did nothing. So worried – so restless. Rang Sharon later. She’d talked to Ben – said Robbie acting as if nothing happened. Somehow, it didn’t really relieve me. Nana came over – I was too unsocial cos’ of my worry. After dropping Nana home (gorgeous rain & thunderstorm) I finally worked up the nerve – I rang him. And it was GREAT! [Wow, ALL that worry for ‘nothing’] We’re going to see a movie sometime!! [“sometime”? that’s a nice ‘loose’ commitment…] Can you believe it? Lady Luck: I love you!! [Now this is just silly. What the hell has ‘Lady Luck’ got to do with anything?] It’s 10:05. I’m happy again. [sheesh!] Mark’s adorable!
We had (big) lunch at Dormay’s Cafe, then dropped into my place. Picked up togs and some stuff. Mrs W dropped Sharon, me & Nida (her dog (rat dog chiwawa?)) at Kamerunga. It rained. Hard. We walked all the way to annemaries. I had to carry the towels & dog & lilo (to keep it dry) while Sharon pranced round. Mrs W got us soon after. Watched Police Academy III after a pig-out at smithfield shopping centre. I stayed the night – Sharon taught me to play backgammon – Excellent game. After watching a really sick video, [‘sick’ didn’t have any ‘positive’ connotations back then, unlike today …besides its actual definition, it only meant either ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’] we crashed.
Woke, after brekky played backgammon [Do you think I have any idea how to play it now? I don’t think I have actually played it since then.] That’s about all we did until mum picked me up at 10:00. A very boring day at home. I did crosswords from old magazines, watched cricket and ate. I’m angry – my appetite’s been rather small lately and now I go and stuff it up. Wish I could do something. If Monique was here, I could do lots – I get really sick of Sharon rather quickly. It’s 11:55 Really hot today. A bit of rain – but not really enough to cool it down. Crikey – I think I need an early night soon. I wish Mark’d hurry up and ring me. I can’t wait to go out.
A Life in Words 