Dreadlocks, Attention Deficits & A Big Night Out (29 September-5 October)

Monday 29/9/86

Did some art research; was rather fruitless, actually. Started a chem prac too. But that was it. I am very guilty – firstly about still not ringing Ms Marsland to find out whose [retailers in the city centre] windows we are decorating [for Fun In the Sun festival] and secondly, that I have not done ½ or even ¼ the amount of work I need to have completed before the end of the holidays. 3rdly – I ate one hell of a lot today – must lose weight. Mark, I think, was in my dream last night and, I think, the night before. I wonder if all his ‘appearances’ in my dreams lately have any relation to real life – I hope so – that its good. [A superstitious hope! I've come to believe that dreams are simply your subconscious' method of processing & sorting the day's thoughts, feelings & experiences. Simple. No prophetic value.] I really think (I’m hoping that) I’ll have a chance. He did care for me (a lot more than any other girl) once … I know. I think I know.. certain things point to it. [It's nice to see my thoughts are not perpetually negative…] I watched TV, mucked around, ate, sang, listened to music and… bored, guilty Is 11:05. Nite!!

A Life in Words

My ‘updated’ school diary for this week… colourful, yes?

Tuesday 30/9/86

Today I did 2 chemistry pracs (well, 1½) and updated my school diary [decorating my diaries was an artistic habit I'd developed]. That’s about it. Aside from that I called Monique about Ms Marsland; she said there was no need to worry – Mrs Marsland didn’t even know what we were doing last week; she said (Michelle W told her) that Mrs Marsland wanted us to ring her in the last week anyway. Great. I watched no TV, but listened to music & tied my hair up in scarves. At first I attached 1 to my (tiny) piggy tail, then 2, then 4 then tonight I got big ones & plaited them – really long ‘dreadlocks’ looked excellent. [Hmm, interesting... considering dreadlocks don't actually appeal to me…] Also mima & Brent came round in Brent’s mum’s car! (Brent driving) Wo! Funny!! I’m staying at Monique’s tomorrow night. (going to the beach with her tomorrow) & we’re going out. Gonna meet mima & Fiona & etc at Croc. Rock. Dunno what time. Rage I will. [Yoda you be?!] 9:55. Mum’s birthday tomorrow & I forgot COMPLETELY. What am I going to do? Poor mum; I’m so terrible to her. [I always felt that mum "lived for" me and my sister, so I guess it's almost 'natural' to feel bad about 'forgetting' her - she had never forgotten us. In this way, no one ever made me better aware of my selfishness or self-centredness - without doing or saying anything - than she.]

Wednesday 1/10/86

Woken up by Julia at 6:55, But too late mum had made her bed & had brekky. I made a card, [I only realised how much these little things meant to her when I found a bundle of them amongst her things after she passed away a couple of years ago] then packed for Monique’s and the beach. Felt guilty about being away on mum’s birthday. [There it is again - I can hear my thoughts now: "You're a bad daughter not giving up some time for her when she does so much for you"] She dropped me to monique’s. A Life in WordsCaught the beach bus (driver revved us about sitting – couldn’t see us) Had a rather good time – got burnt on shoulders & back – arms too. Not badly. Saw lotsa spunks – one group ‘taken’, another group (Martin G) too old & the other: alright! Alex L & 3 other guys. the one in the yellow singlet mmm! Looked at me!! Caught bus back to Gumtree corner – started walking home but Mrs P got us! Got ready about 8:00 onwards (slowly) mim & Fi said they’d sneak out be there 11:00-11:30 Lucy not allowed at all. We went at 10:45. Martin G said they were coming 12:00-12:30. We saw Travers (not many people I knew AT ALL) Packed tho!! went outside & inside lots. saw Mark & Keith. Barely said anything it’s obvious he doesn’t like me. Finally mim, Fi & jay came. Jay got in – Fi & mim tried 4 times. Couldn’t get in. [Continued on the next page of the diary…]

Thursday 2/10/86

Mima, Fi, AnneMarie, Travers, Leanne, Judy went to Nighthawkes. Said they’d be back 2:30(. Monique didn’t want to go cos she told her mum she would be at Croc. Rock.)[Wow, her mum KNEW we were going 'Out'?] so Jay her & I went in Smithy’s bar and had couple drinks when we came out Mark & Keith were gone. Waited & waited [for Fiona & Mima]. Decided at 3:15 to catch a cab & ring Anne-Marie’s place. Went there, but AnneMarie & them weren’t there. Left at 4:05 – mima & Fi couldn’t go to AnneM.’s anyway = had to be home by 4 that morning. Got 6hrs sleep. at 10:45 Fi rang wanted to know if we’d like to go to the movies with her. (Monique said) we wouldn’t make it. When asked her how night was she wouldn’t answer- kept changing the subject. I assumed she’d got with Mark…I was so depressed. [Haha, talk about jumping to conclusions! Of ALL things, and ALL people!] But in town at 2:00, met her. She said her mum was there & she couldn’t talk about it. What they did was at 2:40, realised were late & got finally back to Croc Rock at 3:30 10MINS after we’d left. SHIT. Stayed there – then got home 4:45 (umah!) Walked to Coxen Chem. on way saw: Mark & Keith. Hoped didn’t see me. Am trying to give up on him. Got $50 [from dad] for mum (dad wasn’t there tho [so who gave it to me?]) & walked up town saw Jules. said mum cried cos I wasn’t there on her birthday & dad too – didn’t even call her. A Life in Words[Ah, so my thoughts weren't far from the mark: my Guilt was justified] Really upset so out of town money [that is, my ownbought a red rose. Gave to her with $50. Is 9:55. Assignments tomorrow. Glad to be home. Am really depressed inside. Last 2 days were a total waste. [Really?] Had no fun at Croc Rock at all. Oh Mark. [Oh, Gawd]

Friday 3/10/86

Tried to do my work today. Got more of the same english assignment (I’ve been doing for months) down, but that was it. I watched a little TV, but spent most time trying to finish the assignment. Beka rang & I said I’d ring back cos I didn’t know still, whether to go or not due to my work. In fact, I rang Fi to see if they were going out. No. So I rang back Beka & told her I’d go. [Huh?] After cleaning my room, got ready. Went in around 6:10, walked round. Jay gave us a free gelati to share. (I had had no dinner and no money to buy any) saw TOP GUN again (with summer rental) EXCELLENT. Saw Peter H – was hoping (was I?) that Phillip was there – don’t think so. So that’s all. Found out also that mima & fiona aren’t going out saturday night either. So a boring end to the holidays. And I still have not completed the work needed to do. Is 12:30. Better get some sleep.

[The following is a tad confusing, but what basically happened (below) is that I forgot to write my entry on Saturday and just ploughed ahead on Sunday night, without realising that I had missed Saturday altogether and was writing in the 'wrong space'.  Did a quick 'recap' for Saturday on Sunday's page…]

Saturday 4/10/86

School tomorrow. And I have done none of the english I had to do. I am in BIG trouble. BIG BIG trouble. My own foolish, stupid fault. Woke around 8:15. Played monopoly with Beka & Lucy till they both left around 1030-11:30. the the James Hardie 1000 had started and I got interested in that. [Car racing I have NO time for now, and I believe the only reason I got 'into it' back then was a product of Sentimentality: reminiscent of the period in my life when Dad was still living with us, before my parents split. He tuned into the race every year, so watching or even just hearing it could trigger a range of thoughts & feelings] A Life in WordsAnd Petra came over. And so I got nothing done. I am watching the movie now. (Wierd – (all that jazz)) should be asleep so I can wake early and finish my assignment. In a way I’m glad to go back to school. The only thing(s) wrong with it are (i) the work and (ii) I have to see Mark every day. I could forget about him (well, more than possible) on holidays cos he’s out of my sight (outa sight, outa mind) Is 10:20. How much longer’s this movie gonna be? Why do I have to go back and see Mark? Why? It’ll wreck my start (start in forgetting him)A Life in Words

Sunday 5/10/86

Hey! I did this yesterday and forgot to do yesterday!

4th Sat: Did nothing all day – ate. Luc came round. She, Beka, me & Jules went to Pancake House for tea (got finished early & walked around town) came home at 10:30. Played Triv. Pursuit → mum & Geoff came home midnight. Got to bed about 1:30

Sunburn, Soreness & A Chemical Bath (22-28 September)

Monday 22/9/86

Went to town today. Getting ready this morning and guess who arrived? LUCY!! Yeah! She surprised me. And Fi when we picked her up! (She [Lucy] got on well with Monique too) And mima’s back with Brent. I tried on heaps of clothes & shoes but bought nothing . . . Lucy, Fi & Monique did. Fi got shoes & togs & jumpsuit; Lucy got a pinafore dress & togs. Mima was working all day in KAFFA – spent lunch break with her. In the bus on the way home, saw John C. Yum. Too short for me tho (as if I’d have a chance) [and anyway, aren't you obsessed with Mark?] Talked to Julie H this arvy – Sharon rang & I said I’d ring her back but forgot. Oh well. Gonna see Monique get her hair permed tomorrow. A Life in WordsAm tired & upset (about?) everything. I just wish everything was going perfect for me. Not likely . Not my luck 11:00. [That's the spirit!] must sleep – had to wear mum’s strapless bra to town today cos of sunburn. so sore!! Pain trying on all the clothes [Tsk, tsk]

Tuesday 23/9/86

Oh! My feet are sore! I went to town again. Took Fi. Met Monique at 10:10 at Kim Calverly’s [a popular hairdresser]. I wore my white skirt & red & white striped shirt – we sat for an hour then went (straight) to Treasurway & I bought a green/aqua polo shirt & wore it the rest of the day. We bought an ice cream and met Steven. Stayed with us the rest of the day. Walked round alot – visited mima (at work again) & occasionally popped in to see how Moni was going. Finally, her hair was finished (at 2:45) [Good lord, I'd forgotten how long perms take - not having had one myself since… the early 1990's] Looks FANTASTIC. Gorgeous hair. She is Full stop!! Steven caught the bus home before we went to show mima moni’s hair→ she let us read the letter he’d given her before. Fi couldn’t stop crying! It was so sad – he really really loves her but she & Brent . . . oh how terrible for her!! […and maybe not so wonderful for him either?] At home, I can’t work tomorrow Dad said there’s not any work!! Beka rang tonight. Am riding with her to Smithfield where Lucy’s staying. Fun!! Is almost 9:30 This watch is stuffed.

Wednesday 24/9/86

Rode over. Took about 30 mins. There, we talked while listening to music before all riding down to Smithfield Shopping Centre. Had brief glances around at shops – bought heaps of food & back at Lucy’s sat on the front verandah – no back!! & ate. swam, ate, talked . . .and finally Beka & I rode home. Got gear, picked up Beka & went back to Lucy’s. After dinner, we rang Fi – talked for ages – she’s coming to Fitzroy tomorrow & we rang monique – she’s coming too! Then we went for a walk – down to the park next to the Smithfield Fire Station – talking about guys – kissing mainly – walked back & sat outside by the gutter. Still talking. [What girls do best] I am sad still – inside. It is so obvious that Mark does not like me but that won’t register in my brain. I think the only way would be for him to tell me to my face that he doesn’t. The only way. Late night. About 11:30

A Life in Words

Fitzroy is closer to Cairns than Green Island but only seemed to gain popularity in the mid 1980’s. It is definitely my preferred local island. 

Thursday 25/9/86

Fantastic day! Swam heaps – on the pontoon [there used to be a pontoon there? I don't remember that] & around – was so beautiful. Didn’t get ‘sorely’ burnt. [Oh that's ok then…] On my recovering burns I packed suncream. I got burnt on the back of my legs (upper) not much and browned a bit on my back & shoulders (again) but no PAIN!! Also upper arms. But we had fun. No hunks (our age) There were 2 guys we saw briefly near the kiosk (older) drinking – quite cute. We went rock-climbing but got stuck so had to return. Oh well! Wish Mark’d gone. Why would he? Nicole’d probably go too. Ate a bit (was fairly hungry). Saw mima before we left this morning she & jay walked around wharfs before work. Nothing really exciting happened. Met a Canadian guy Tom (21) & talked (& joked) alot with him. [Surely he'd've been in his element with the attention of five 16 year old girls?] about 9:35 – mum’s gone to Fishers for a drink. Nite!!

Friday 26/9/86

Today was my first uninteresting day. I was going to do my HW. Believe me, I wanted, more than anything, to do my english (etc) but I just couldn’t . I don’t know why – I wasn’t motivated . . I know I should’ve – that could’ve been the only spare day I got. Am working tomorrow & will probly be at Monique’s on Sunday (hopefully am staying at her place on Sat. nite (again!) with Fi & Mim & are going out!!) Hafta ring her about that tomorrow too. So today I listened to music, attempted my english assignment (but didn’t further it) ate, read & did other aimless stuff. I am looking forward to tomorrow night. I hope I have the biggest rage. And I’m not getting my hopes up that Mark’ll be there (or am I?) let alone my getting with him again. No forget it Liss. Julia stayed at Cherie’s last night & went to Palm Cove today. At Ramada Resort saw Brent & another guy – by her description it could’ve been Phil (or Tony H) watched movie (stupid) Is 10:55 Work tomorrow

Saturday 27/9/86

I worked 6 hours – packing – pouring chemicals into drums (back is killing and I was covered in chemicals) But got $24. [Fantastic! Paid a pittance for the privilege of back pain and god-knows-what kind of inflammation as a result of being doused in ammonia, sodium hypochlorite & the like. No such thing as 'Workplace Health & Safety' in the 80's. There's not a hope in hell I nor anyone would be undertaking that kind of work in this day and age.] Came home around 5:15. After about 20 phone calls – no joke – to monique & mima & from monique & fiona & mima it was decided that we wouldn’t go out. Lucy had come over at 5:30. We (fi, mima, me, luc) were going to stay at monique’s & go out – mima & moni meeting Brent & Jay, but thanks to Brent the Bastard, everyone’s night was wrecked. He said he had to study for a surf- thingy. Mima was upset (extremely) by this as she’d been looking forward to going out with him – so she (& Fi) stayed home. Brent stayed at Jay’s. Monique didn’t want to come to my place when I asked her & Lucy also went home. So we minded (mum & I) Fiona & Chris from next door. Is 11:00 Am so tired & depressed. I was really looking forward to going out tonight. Brent stuffed up everyone’s plans (esp. mima’s) [No, Brent made a decision for himself. Which led to others making their own decisions. Shit Happens.]

Sunday 28/9/86

A Life in WordsOh my back!! Packing yesterday really showed today – all my back muscles (particularly lower back) [uh-huh! and who suffers from chronic sacroiliac pain NOW? Damage certainly does start early…] and lower shoulders are so sore!!! But at least I’ve toned them! [Um, maybe? But the lower back: No.] Ha Ha! Woke – dunno when – but dragged out of bed about 8:15 to Lucy on the phone. Spent the morning doing very little productive (got ready slowly) waxed my armpits. WOW! Mum left for Palm Cove about 10:50. Lucy got me at 11:30. Got stuff for picnic & went to Trinity Beach (DAMMIT) Boring – we just lay on towels in the shade. Home about 4:00 (??) Did nothing there either. Is about 9:10 now. Going to bed – listen to Take 40 Aust on headphones (this week its an ‘all-time’ top 40.) Felt terrible today [guilty]. Mum went to Palm Cove on her own. How boring and lonely and sad. [Some people enjoy their own company. I came to realise Mum especially did. And I have taken after her, after all.] She said there were heaps of people there – esp good-looking guys (my age mostly) & saw mima. shoulda gone with her. Sleep well. Do some assignments elissa. You’re gonna be in big strife if you don’t. [Love the self-lectures… falling on deaf ears!]

Eyeshadow, Music Videos & the Clubbing Fail (23-29 June)

Monday 23/6/86

Boring! Boring! Boring! I ate and watched TV. And that was about it. I also got my haircut and love it! All the long bits are cut off! I have a very short bob and the right side is layered short – blending into the bob [making it the true 'asymmetrical' style that was the 80's]. The very first hairstyle I’ve ever been completely happy with! Jeez, I’m gonna be a Norm if I keep this up→ Watchin TV & eating Boring.A Life in Words ["Norm" for those who don't know, was an animated character - representative of the 'normal' Aussie bloke - central to the governments' physical activity campaign "Life. Be in it."  which ran for many years, attempting to educate the Australian public and encourage changing to healthier lifestyle habits.] M.M.MM Mark! Can’t wait to see him again!! Talked to Petra (she came over) she thinks he’s spunk too. Mrs W also came over to pick up Sharon’s bike HOW BORING!! 9:30 Gotta hava shower yet. Gord!!

Tuesday 24/6/86

Today, after a lot of phone calls, it was decided we’d go to town (some people had specific things to do) and also see “Crocodile Dundee”. Was a great day! Beka, fi, Mima, lucy & me (And Brent sometimes too) walked around and had fun. I walked down to dad and got $90 for schoolbag, jumper & 2 shirts. (But didn’t buy any thing after all cos I couldn’t find anything I particularly liked.) Croc. Dund. was fabulous (again!) for everyone except fi (& Brent I think) it was the 2nd or 3rd time!! Kept hoping Mark’d pop up from nowhere. But it remained→ a hope. Went to Lucy’s after. (mima, Fi & I) to discuss tomorrow nite. We’re staying over – Mr W shouting us to dinner→ we’re gonna sneak out to Crocodile Rock!!! [A popular nightclub in Cairns that was strangely not even located in the CBD, but in a heritage building - called the House on the Hill - in the suburb of Mooroobool.] Ragey!! Hope Mark’ll be there!! Is 9:13

Wednesday 25/6/86

Boring until nighttime!! Made a new glass bead bracelet, watched a bit of TV, visited Lucy and got excited!! Went to Lucy’s again around 5:30. Got hair fixed. Looked great but felt like straw!! [That means there was an abundance of gel used…] Then started make-up when mima, fi & Beka came. They looked so much better than me (not more grown-up just prettier – better clothed etc) Rushed round. Down at Freshy Connection [the local 'Kuranda Scenic Rail' station, which includes a restaurant in which you dine in 85 year old 'retired' train carriages] we laughed and carried on in our carriage (had wine & mim & I had Kalua & milk)A Life in Words Caught a taxi after (all packing it) [the phrase "packing it" means "really nervous" - similar the phrase "packing shit" which relates to being 'scared shitless'!!] But the guy at the entrance knew we were only ‘kids’ still we filled in forms [in those days if you didn't have any ID, you simply filled in something like a statutory declaration before entering the establishment. Too easy.] with false names and addresses [that's exactly what everyone did, and most likely the reason why it was abandoned eventually] and let us in…. there were only 11 people in there!! Martin G

[….here I had crossed over onto the next page (Thursday's entry) in order to continue my story. This happened a lot in the future, when I didn't fill out my diary until some time later - usually the next day - and had so much to tell…]

Thursday 26/6/86

said most had chosen Nighthawkes that night so when we were waiting for  him & his (cute) friend to finish their drinks & take us there – up comes Mr W!! God help us!! [Hahahahahaha, That was SO funny. We were MORTIFIED!] He hadn’t told any parents but had been thinking ’bout it & decided he couldn’t  take the responsibility in case we were found out. [He had knowingly allowed us to go in the first place] So we had to go. SHIT. Back at Lucy’s, we brooded about it, & stayed up till Brent and Martin G came over. (Told us how packed Nighthawkes was) upset us more, then we all stayed up til 3:30, talked, walked and sat on the gutter huddled up against the cold. Then we woke at 10:45 this morning & got out of bed at 3:00 to go grocery shopping with Jane & Lucy at Coles. Stayed at Lucy’s for tea then went to mima’s. Slept there (got to sleep around 1:30) Watched rock videos Ha! Ha!

Friday 27/6/86

Woke late again today, but not like yesterday! About 9:00 this morning I think. We watched music videos this morning after fully waking up. Lucy left early then after cleaning up, mima fi & I went home, when Justine turned up SHIT!! What the hell could I do? I talked (trying to lie about what I’d done (well, not try)) [I'm amazed that I felt I had to lie. Upon reflection, I wonder if it was because I so often felt left out of things myself, that I just assumed others felt the same too, and I couldn't bear to hurt their feelings so chose to cover it up instead? Hmmm. I've definitely matured in this regard] Jemima & Fi went home and I went to town with Justine – it was boring. Saw Becca G & Anne Marie → they said Brizzy trip was a rage. Saw mima (didn’t see me) so I went home around 6:00. Fi & mima rang mark today while I was talking to Justine!! Shame! But he wasn’t home. I’m also doubting a bit→ could Greg have lied about Mark?? Hope not. And what does Steven B know? About 9:00?? [this last question is unrelated to the others - I would have been trying to guesstimate the time it was]

Saturday 28/6/86A Life in Words

Boring Boring Boring!!!! I spent the day at home. But thank goodness I didn’t eat so much!! I lazed around – bored shitless. Got over 9½hrs sleep last night – but will take more than that to get rid of these bags under my eyes!! Geoff, mum, Fi & I went to Drive In to see Police Academy 3. Was “fair” not as good as the others. Fi & I talked on the way home. she’s not sure but thinks Mark does like me ie: Greg told the truth (there are so many factors that point to that) Also said she’d try’n’ask Steven what he knows. Is 11:03. Sleep in tomorrow (my last time!) Also went shopping this morning. Got a grey shirt!! Hoping to bleach or fade it. And also make-up kit with blush & eyeshadow Green pink purple yellow brown blue white & dark grey UNREAL!! (Haven’t done a scrap of speech HW these holidays) UMAH

Sunday 29/6/86

Well, school tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous believe it or not. Today went rather slowly… it was boring too. I didn’t eat very much but what it was, I ate a lot of. No! I mean what I ate was fattening (and sickening) Oh dear me! It was so boring today that I have nothing to say. Nana came over. Julia (who spent last night with dad) was at work today. Is 10:16 → Trail of the Pink Panther will be finished soon. I can’t watch it – it’s too boring cos Peter Sellers isn’t in it anymore. I s’pose I’m also tired & kinda nervous about tomorrow. After all I haven’t been to school (& seen Mark) for 2 weeks …..